To Trust the Dawn

Chapter 50

Chapter 50

No...

Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagpanaw ng kulay sa mukha ko. My entire system was shivering as though I was experiencing an earthquake inside of me. Halos hindi ako makalakad nang maayos papalapit dito nang dumaan sa gitna ng kalsada... I was trying to disregard my trauma of passing by in the middle of the road to reach him.

It seems as if emotions took over my rationality. Instead of taking my phone out of my pocket to call an ambulance, I got paralyzed.

I couldn't function well, especially upon seeing the blood dripping on his left arm. Malinaw na malinaw dahil sa puting polo na kaniyang suot. His eyes were closed, as well as his lips that weren't able to form a smile as an exchange of my smile anymore because... he was shot. Tangina.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang sunod-sunod na pagbuhos ng mga luha ko habang dahan-dahang napaluhod sa kaniyang harapan. Hindi ako magkamayaw. I didn't know what to do first... kung hahawakan ko ba siya, pipigilang magdurugo ang braso niya o sa kung ano pa'ng parte ng katawan niya ang natamaan... Hindi ko alam ang gagawin! I feel like all the logic in me had instantly vanished!

I just cried and cried as regrets washed over me...

Hindi ko pa alam kung braso lang ba ang natamaan o kung may iba pa that would put him in a critical condition.

With all the remaining strength in me, I took my phone out of my pocket and call an ambulance. Kahit nanlalabo ang paningin ko dulot ng mga luha ay nakita ko ang pagdami ng mga tao sa paligid ko. They were watching over him while conversing with each other, wondering what the hell did just happen.

"W-Wake up please... Ivan. I'm here..." Matapos kong tawagan ang ambulansiya ay nilapit ko ang sarili sa kaniya at isinambit 'yon. I didn't touch any part of his body because I came back to my consciousness; naalala kong hindi p'wedeng hawakan o galawin ang isang taong nasa ganitong sitwasyon.

But if only I could, I would do it. I would lock him in my arms to make him feel safe even if the stealing incident was already done... for him to still feel that I was able to save him. Minumura at pinapatay ko na sa isipan ang putanginang bumaril sa lalaking pinakamamahal ko.

Ilang saglit pa'y dumating din agad ang ambulansiya at inasikaso nila agad ito. I wiped my tears and tried to act sane and well while answering their brief questions about the incident. Kailangan kong maging matatag ngayon para sa kaniya... I shouldn't let these emotions consume me.

Sumama ako sa ambulance car. He was already laying on the stretcher. I was holding his hand while muttering my silent prayers. Maaari ko na siyang mahawakan dahil nag-apply na sila ng first aid sa kaniya.

Despite how I try to halt the tears, I just couldn't... lalo na dahil ang huling naalala ko ay pupunta dapat siya sa 'kin dahil nagbigay na siya ng senyales na naaalala na niya. All I could remember is the tears that were forming in his eyes and the almost-smile that he could've given back to me if only this didn't happen abruptly.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry if I didn't make you remember. S-Sana sinabi ko na... hindi ko naman alam na mangyayari sa 'yo 'to," I mumbled with my broken voice. Dahil sa binanggit na paumanhin ay parang naririnig ng utak ko ang boses niya sa isipan na parang handang bumanggit ng ilang libong paumanhin sa 'kin.

Mas lalo lang bumuhos ang mga luha ko nang makitang nakapikit pa rin siya, lalong-lalo na nang makitang namumutla ang mga labi niya. i could still even see the tears on his cheeks that were already dried. I tried to still wipe those tears.

Mas lalong dinaga ng kaba ang dibdib ko nang makitang huminto na ang sasakyan sa kilalang hospital dito sa Versailles. Napalunok ako. Gustuhin ko ma'ng patuloy pa ring hawakan ang kaniyang kamay ay hindi maaari nang dali-dali na siyang dinala ng mga nurse patungo sa loob.