Smoke and Mirrors (Smoke #1)

[ 48 ]

Since the last time Marcus had texted me that he wanted to talk was after he touched down in Melbourne following the boys loss against GWS. I wasn't sure if it was more ironic or sadder that it was two weeks ago. 

With a now jam packed schedule of important team training sessions, press conferences, media appearances and club board meetings for Marcus and vital investigation time, board meetings, journalism duties and the conduction of upcoming interviews for me both of us struggled to find time in order to sit down and talk about the sudden rocky patch in our relationship.

I wasn't sure about how Marcus was coping with all this but to be completely honest, I was struggling with amount of pressures I continually keep finding with work as well as my issues with my relationship. Lately, it has been feeling like everything has been slipping through my fingers and there was nothing I could do except for watching back in silence my life shatter into pieces that I knew would be a struggle to put back together later on.

Recently, I've been getting a lot of questions about how it was going with Marcus and pretty much choked when it came to every answer with each time I was asked. How was I meant to know how I was going Marcus when I didn't even know how it was all going for myself in the first place.

Although I knew what the doctors orders were, I just felt like nothing was working. With everything that was going on, I should just be given the ability to get enough sleep - or at least be able to sleep at all since I haven't been doing that most recently - but of course, fate was probably just testing me and not been very kind to me in any way. Washing the two pills down my throat with a glass of water, I couldn't help but feel a little uneased since I had went against the doctors orders.

He already seemed hesitant towards giving me a prescription for the tablets, but eventually he gave in thankfully noticing the distress I was under. It was silly to be taking more than the specified dosage but right now I was desperate for at least the slightest bit of relief that wasn't going to wash away after a couple of days or until the next stressful event occurred unexpectedly right in front of my eyes. I took a moment to calm myself down as I noticed the photograph of Marcus and I sitting on the table near by. Curling my fingers around the delicate black frame with the white intricate designs, I sighed, reminding myself of the precious moment that we shared in the photograph taken.

The photo was of the two of us when we went our date to see G - Eazy perform in Melbourne a couple of weeks before our six month anniversary. Marcus was dressed up in a navy blue sweater and black skinny jeans. I was dressed in a denim jacket and black skirt. We both looked a genuine couple; full of youth, vibrance and most importantly, full of so much love to give to each other. I smiled thinking back to the day I was most excited for seeing G - Eazy was my favourite rapper and with the beautiful soul he has, Marcus remembered. I let out a chuckle thinking back to when the photograph was taken as he kissed my cheek and I looked back at him as if I had just fallen in love with him for the first time when suddenly, I forced myself to stop, suddenly feeling frustrated that Marcus and I weren't the same couple we were in the photograph.

I could feel myself on the verge of tears when zone frustration spread through my entire body. Without a second thought, I threw the photograph onto the ground as the glass shattered loudly against the floorboard and more tears rushed down my cheeks, letting out a loud sob.

All I wanted was to have Marcus right by my side, with nothing negative lingering around us when we were together. I wasn't sure how long this would last but I just hoped it would end quickly and soon, without either one of us being anymore damaged than we already was.

Sobbing into my hands as I sat on the couch at my place, I suddenly heard my phone buzz, shooting my head upwards quickly. Sniffling, I wiped my noise and grabbed my phone when I noticed Marcus' name flash across my screen.