CHIM- LOVE-HATE

Chapter 11

Kim's POV

This week has not been good at all. Shitty as fuck. It started good with the shopping trip Nadine and I did but after the running into them two girls at Starbucks everything went downhill. Not that I'm blaming them or anything because I am not, it's been my own fault. I am terribly upset with Katy, and the fact the little brother decided to go to the UK with the team has done no good to my life situation right now. Being in an argument with both of your siblings isn't really the best not when you are heartbroken still. Adam and I argued about him going away with the team for two weeks. He has been gone for a month with the team before but to like South America and Mexico but never the UK and as selfish as it sounds it's not I did it to protect him I still don't know the whole reason why we moved here but I am not stupid it must have been something serious that's why I did not wanted him to go. I did everything to stop him even played the guilt card on him saying I needed him and that if football was more import then fine he could go. It obviously dint work, since he is currently in the UK right now, and the as for Katy? I don't know, since the call a couple days ago I have not spoken to her at all and well she hasn't call either. Phones work both ways so if she hasn't made any effort why the hell should I?

I've been staying at Nadine's the whole week helping with the bar every now and then but mostly drinking all her alcohol supply. I don't know what to do anymore, the girls have tried helping me but its no use I don't want their help and I feel like a complete bitch for shutting them down but I can't help it, I tried being strong the first week but I can't anymore. I am only human and at some point I'll break and I guess the same was this week. All I have done is drink, wake up with a big ass handover and then drink so more and so on. Sarah, Nadz , and Ray drank with me the first two nights but then rest has just me, myself, and I. Well, and the large amounts of alcohol bottles around me. 

I don't even know why I'm hurting so much, Ashley and I only dated for about 4 or 5 months I shouldn't be so caught up on him. But I am, maybe it was the way he was with me. He was so sweet, so lovely, always making feel like I was the only girl in his life. He gave me all his attention no matter if there were people in the room or just us two, he always made me feel safe and loved. Gosh how wrong was I eh?

I was not the only woman in his word; he had Cheryl back in the UK. I don't know why he would cheat on her thought. She beautiful, with a killer body and a stunning smile, and omg her dimples are the cutest thing ever. She is every men dream, and I cannot believe Ashley used to hit her. She didn't have to answer my question to know it wasn't the first time he has raise a hand on her. She seems so strong, so independent, like no one or anything could ever bring her down. She was so broken the day I went to her hotel room; it broke my heart seeing her like that. I wish I could take away her pain away, I wish I could do anything to stop her from hurting, anything to make her forgive me. I don't know why butmy mind was been filled with thoughts of her. If she was mine I would never hurt her. woah kimmy what the fuck was that?

I need to see her, I need to have a closure with all this shit coz it really is fucking my life up. I need to end this chapter and move on. But before I can do that I need to let all my emotion out I can't just keep on relaying on alcohol.  I need to write, writing always help Katy get over difficult moments.

I get up from the bed and look for anything I can write on. Great this is so fucking messing I can't even find a damn notebook. I guess this crumpled piece of napkin will do.

I cried when I heard you were cheating

I cried when I said I was leaving

I cried when my heart stop believing

But I am all out of tears

Then I feel so weak but I know I'm strong

So I wiped my face and I just move on