CHIM- LOVE-HATE

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Cheryl's POV

We've been laying in bed for quite some time now I can tell Kim is not asleep yet but she's not talking either. She even turned her back on us which I'm not gonna lie it kind of hurt us a bit but yet I did the same I turned me back on her.

Is she mad I stopped meself from having sex again? Is it all physical for her? I tell meself it's not that she actually does care for us but right now I don't even know anymore.

She said I always ignore her when were in public, she's crazy because if I remember correctly I snogged her face off at that shop and kissed her, and held her hand at the fair too so I don't really exactly see how is that ignoring her. And I'm barely on my phone when I'm with her, i was only on it tonight because they girls were getting worried plus I don't see why she's so upset she is who ignored us the whole night. She only noticed us when Tre was flirting with us.

I turned around and lie on my side, I wanna talk to her, I wanna hug her, I wanna kiss her, I just wanna be in her arms but I'm so scared of being rejected.

Ashley many times rejected us when I wanted a cuddle always the same old excuse "oh I'm tired". Gosh how could I been so stupid!? I wasn't blind, I did see all the things he did to me yet I stayed with him, I lied for him. I pretended to be okay with him, I accepted all his affair in silence, of course he never knew I knew he was being unfaithful.

It hurt yeah, back at home they were only one night stand, just pure filthy and meaningless sex. But for some odd reason when I heard him and Kim in the locker rooms me heart broke and ached but in a total different level from the other times. I don't know maybe it was because deep down I knew this was more than just a fling? He really did like her or even loved. Or maybe it was me own heart aching because it was Ashley with her and not us? Did me heart already knew that I would like Kimba? I know this is a crazy thought but I can't help to think that. Is that why I was so ashamed of meself for using Nadine's restaurant to get to kim? The look of her face when she saw us was awful, it made us feel low.

If I keep being near her I know I'm going to end up falling for her, I mean who wouldn't really? She is amazing, she is beyond beautiful, she is seriously the perfect woman. What if I do fall for her and she doesn't feel the same way? That'd totally crush us, I wouldn't be able to cope. Even worst, what if we do give it a go and i fall for her, have her in me arms, call her mine and then she realizes im not good enough for her, that she could do so much better?
I'd be lying if I said she isn't what every men and even women look in a partner.

She is beautiful, inside and out. She's got a golden heart; she is definitely one of a kind. Unique is every single way. If only she was mine, but I know it'll never gonna happen. She wouldn't go for someone like us, she's too good to be with us. Maybe sex is all I'm gonna get for her, but before she said she liked us. Ah I don't know why everything has to be so god damn complicated.

I let out a sigh that comes out more like a sob. I didn't even know I had tears falling down me cheeks. I feel Kim move, she's now facing us. I hold my breath in case she's awake, I don't want to her to see us crying, she'll think I'm pathetic.

She's sleeping thank god! I let me tear fall freely knowing she won't see us cry. I'll speak to Hilary later on and arrange me stuff so I can be out of the state as soonest possible. Also I'll speak to Katy and let her know I won't be working with her anymore, I cannot risk me heart being broken again, I don't think I'd cope, especially if its Kim who breaks it. I feel bad coz Nic seems to really like it here, she's got Sarah, and Nadine her old school friends. She's now got Ray, who seems to get along well and care for her a lot, and she's now got kimba too, I really hope she doesn't take it out on Nic. Oh shit Charlie, ugh this is far too complicated.