Entwined fire | #Wattys2016

Unearthing the feels

I woke in the morning feeling restless, I had woke up on multiple occasions last night to Zak banging on the door but I refused to answer it.

I always seemed to get hurt at the hands of men and right now I didn't know what to do. So I simply looked at the bruise on my inner elbow.

I was scared. Scared of that, scared of what might happen and I was terrified for what I felt last night..

Last night I felt disappointment and maybe a little heartbreak when Zak walked away. 

That was something I wasn't prepared for. At. All.

I asked him to help but he wouldn't.. He said he couldn't but even if it meant just sitting there or standing in the corner off the room, it would have been better than nothing.

I guess Aaron was right, I was going to get hurt, I had opened my heart up a little too much to Zak. Giving him a little leverage that he didn't know he even had. Last night I refused to register it, on the grounds of it being related to shock, but the feeling was still there. The same feeling of utter sadness when he walked out the room. Whether it was to defend my honour or not..

But then maybe he unknowingly have me a taste of my own medicine?

He offered me help with the hospital. He got the ball rolling to help me deal with this and I lashed out..

Then when I needed his help he refused it on the grounds of how I reacted last time.

It was hard for me to accept or even ask for help, I was and always have been fiercely independent. I've always done things on my own and very rarely have I had to rely on a man.

I was a woman's woman.

I used to think I was strong, unbreakable and with a spirit nobody could crush.

I was wrong.

Because I wasn't untouchable and over time I guess I presumed I was. Not literally I'm not an idiot.

Just that nobody would have enough power in them to hurt me.

Not until I saw the back of him..

A knock at the door pulled me out from my self pity. I stared at the door wishing for X-ray vision to see who was there, but of course God was all out. So I had to get up and take a look in the peep hole.

Zak.

"What do you want?" I spoke through the door.

He pressed himself against the door making me step back. "Maria? Maria please.. Please open the door."

"Why?"

"I need to make sure you're okay?"

I bit the inside of my lip and shook my head "Why now? I needed you last night."

"I can explain.. But not through the door please."

I waited for a few seconds before deciding to let him in. I went back over to the bed and got back into it as he came in slowly..

His eyes went straight to the bad side of my face causing me to turn my head and hide it from his view.

"Explain then." I sniffed looking at the wall.

"I was angry.. I'm sorry." He sighed.

"Was that it? Just go please. I don't want anyo-"

"No, I watched that CCTV and my stomach. It knotted to an unbearable pain. I felt every single blow he gave as if it was me and the way you led there..." He paused making me risk a look over.

He had his hand covering his eyes. "I can't get rid of the image."

I looked away quickly finding myself increasingly emotional already. I was worn out, exhausted even from all of it. I just wanted to curl up and be forgotten about.

"But you walked away." I mumbled.

"I know, and I shouldn't have but this rage in me.. I didn't want you to see it. Not in my eyes. I'm a lot of things Maria, some you hate me for. Some maybe that you accept, others you definitely accept. But I didn't want to scare you. Not after last time.."

"My face."

"Yes."

"D-did you hurt him?"

"No."

I nodded and played with the corner of the bedding, it was a comfort thing..

"Some guy. Harry? He was looking for you. Joey told him and went in all guns blazing but he never touched him either."

"Good." I whispered.

"Because Harry took him outside.. He's probably picking teeth from his ass." He finished.

"It's my fault." I said looking over at him.

"How? How the hell was any of that your fault?"

"Dressed like a slag, dancing on the bar, drinking and then I accepted a drink off a stranger. Anything could have been in that and I didn't think about what I was doing.. I just took it. Because I was mad at myself, you and Aaron." I answered.

"So it's my fault?" He asked.

"No, no it's mine because all you've tried to do was help but I'm so.. So scared that I've done something I've never done before and that's bury my head. You just wanted to help. But I threw it back in your face."

"I only want to see you happy.." He mumbled.

"Then I guess you need to walk away then. Because I'm so far gone at the moment I don't see the point in ever leaving this room. I deserve to be unhappy for being so nasty to everyone. To you! God some days I really hate you, and other days.. Last night.  I really needed you."

He crossed the room and grabbed my hand holding on to it "I'm here for you now. I know I can't rewind time, but I wouldn't have walked away unless I really needed to."

His fingers moved my hair back slightly so he could see my face.

"It's the least of my problems.. At least this is visible." I snivelled.

"Oh M."

I burst into tears on him "I'm so scared!"

"Come here." He pulled me to him, with some manoeuvring I was sat with my body wrapped around his as he rubbed my back.  I stopped my hysteria to find he was actually humming..

"Can you forgive me for walking away last night?" He whispered after I had calmed down.

I pulled away slightly, holding his face I gave him a kiss. A little smile pulled on his mouth before he leant forward and kissed the bruises on my face gently.

After he had done enough I went back to hugging him.

"When you've had enough, I want you to get yourself ready. You're coming with me today. You're not hiding.."

"I don't want to go out."

"Not even to my house?"

I shrugged.

"Not even to see Gracie?" He asked. A smile filled my face at the thought of her.

"I should be jealous. Seeing that smile for my dog and not for being in my company." He teased.

After 5 minutes I let him go and began get ready.