Entwined fire | #Wattys2016

Learning about myself

3 days later..

"Maria.. Come on please. You have to eat something." Zak urged pushing the plate towards me.

The last few days I hadn't really done a lot.. Correction. I hadn't done anything. I was laying in Zak's spare room curled up looking at the same spot on the wall. I'd managed to cry with the occasional toilet breaks but apart from that.. I'd done nothing.

I looked ravishing right now with dirty hair, 3 day old pjs and bags under my eyes. I was lucky to get 3 hours in before I'd wake up from my dreams or nightmares depending on how upset I was before bed.

Last night? It was a nightmare, that I was on a perfect street, neat hedgerows and houses with their perfect drives. Zak was beside me, holding my hand as we ran scared, but I kept holding my hand behind me to encourage Aaron to run beside me, to run faster as black ooze chased us..

Zak with his long legs managed to throw himself as well as myself. But Aaron? Aaron was so clumsy and he tripped.

My heart would leap and I'd let Zak's hand go and try to run back for Aaron, but as my fingertips brushed his Zak's arm was around my waist running away with me.

We were screaming at each other, I was begging for Aaron to run whilst he was crying out for help. And then he disappeared under the ooze.

Such a stupid dream but it meant something didn't it? I was leaving him behind in favour of Zak and right now I didn't want anyone. I wanted to be left alone, to mourn the fact I lost one person I could trust my whole entire life with other than my parents.

"Maria. Please." Zak spoke again.

I was curled up but he constantly tried plumbing me with food, I guess he was worried but I couldn't stomach the idea of food and simply pushed the plate away.

"This is pathetic." He sighed.

I rolled away of him and looked the other way to find Gracie looking at me. I sat up and took the plate passing it to her she wasted no time in clearing it.

Zak didn't say a word, so I laid back down after giving him the empty plate and watched Gracie smack her chops together before licking her face.

I guess she loved scrambled egg.

"Nice to know I've wasted my time." He muttered.

"You fed your dog what more do you want?" I snapped.

He sighed and stood up "For you to be yourself again." He replied and left the bedroom.

These three days have certainly made me open my eyes to the friendship I had been neglecting to Aaron since mine and Zak's arrangement.

Because he doesn't do relationships.

I might just change my mind and not do men. They are beginning to become to much hassle.

I say that but I love the masculinity of a man, the manlier the better. I guess passion changed that with Zak, because he wasn't exactly a lumberjack manly man. Hell he plucked his eyebrows and used moisturiser.

I know, it's his job to look good for the tv.

Meh shut up.

My last few days consisted off..

After the incident with Aaron:

After sobbing on Aaron's doorstep Zak appeared and brought me back to his house. I explained what happened and spent the majority of my time hugging Gracie and causing her to get wet fur from my tears. Zak probably lost interest but she seemed like a fantastic listener and occasionally lapped up my tears on my cheeks.

Day two

I laid in bed and looked at flights home, trying to work out if I really wanted a return ticket to Vegas, if I should just leave and go home. Zak called me a coward and talked me around once seeing what I was doing, because talking seemed pointless. I had cried, into Gracie again..

Cried to my mum because that what is girls do, but she hushed me and told me to go and speak to him.. I should be ashamed, putting my problems on her whilst she was sick. Great daughter I was.
I had tried ringing him countless amount of times but each time I was ignored.

Day three

I had spent half the night crying, looking at ways to apologise, even serenading him a daft punk song dressed as a storm trooper crossed my mind. But I doubted if he'd open the door knowing it was me.

Then I thought about sending myself to him.. In the post. Or by courier in a big wooden box and just Spring out of it. But then my luck is I'll get seriously hurt.

But I was becoming desperate as he was now disconnecting my calls.

-

But what do you expect? I slapped him around the face for calling me easy.. I wasn't and he knew it, but I guess he saw my weakness when it came to Zak..

Aaron knew I wanted to find a happy ever after like my parents, desperate for it I guess. Where as he was happy to plod along. I wanted to feel loved and I disregarded his love as a friend because I wanted more.

He'd bend the physics of the the world to please me. Hell he was going to fly to England to make sure I was okay.

I had taken his friendship, put it into a wood chipper and threw it all over Vegas the moment I jumped into bed with Zak.

For years we had clashed, myself and Zak. I guess we'd put Aaron through some shit with the constant battles against each other and now we had flip reserved everything to what? Have an arrangement?

The word itself mocked us.

I knew why Zak wouldn't claim the title relationship.. Because it would mean people find out about us and we couldn't have our precious paranormal hunk off the market could we?

Always appear available.. Even if you aren't.

I didn't expect this whole PDA moment and big reveal to the world. I didn't want that anyway. But to be more than what I was now would be something.

Aaron wanted better for me then to be some booty call. I should want that for me too.

I did want that for me too but with Zak.

But right now if it took for me to dress as a stormtrooper and hide in a box on his drive.. Then that's what I'd do because I valued my friendship with Aaron over anything in the world.

He was my soulmate, he understood that I needed fluffy socks, chocolate, Star Wars and snuggles more on one week of every month. That I needed Advil and a hot water bottle during binge sessions of Ghost Adventures.

That when I found my ex to be an absolute pig the first person I rang and went to was Aaron because he made everything better. He made me laugh when I wanted to cry.

And the only time he used my full name was when I had done something wrong or when he was upset.

Like bringing fast food into his house because he now hated the stuff or slap him across the face.

So in three days I learnt I was a terrible daughter and an even worse friend to one of the nicest men on planet earth.

Self hate was at an all time high.