Entwined fire | #Wattys2016

Lets hold those memories

Later that evening..

There are moments in your life, that embed into your soul for a number of reasons..

Maybe they are bad ones? Maybe they are good ones? But either way you remember them because of the impact it's made in you emotional, mentally or physically. Maybe even all three or just two.

Like you'll remember a really good birthday party? Or perhaps your first time (depending if any alcohol was involved). Like moms remember the first time they held their babies in their arms and just feel a burst of love and pride towards a little potato looking human who's barely even an hour old.

Why? Because it's made an impact.

I wasn't hormonal, and certainly not broody. But I'm having the moment of something that will stay with me for however long I live..

That being, that right as I make my mental note of this moment. On my fake imaginary type writer that gives the ping (oh so vintage) that I have Zak laying on me.

Now some people would be 'get off me!' Or 'oh my god you're crushing my insides' or 'oh my god, I should be laying in you cause you weigh a ton!.'

If you haven't guess it I was trying to put on a fake accent of being a stuck up bitch. You know the types.. Fake tan platinum hair and boobs like boulders (wait I just described a few of his exes)

But this moment was with me because he was vulnerable. Right now a 6 foot, broad shoulder, waspy waisted, demon hunter was laid on me singing my favourite song on me quietly.

His head was rested upon my chest, his hands held my sides as I played with his hair after we had both taken showers..

This wasn't an intimate moment after sex. This was Zak letting someone in for the first time in a while, for the first time I could see the boy who grew up bullied.

Not for his singing, for his looks.

It made me realise that whilst I was horrible to him, it probably brought up a lot of memories from the past. I refused to accept it was all my fault, sure I had a part to play in it but I wasn't completely to blame.

We were chalk and cheese. Milk and honey, oil and water.

Now that was the perfect representation of us a few months ago..

Oil and water.

Both put in the same glass but refused to mix and always separated.

Like Coke and Mentos in a bottle we reacted to each other presence.

It was getting dark outside and the light was fading but neither do us moved to put on a light. I figured he was too comfortable and just o ensure him that I was comfortable with this arrangement I had one hand in his hair and the other across his back giving it a rub occasionally, feeling the light vibrations of his voice on it.

To me he didn't need no guidance on being romantic, maybe to begin with when I said woo me and he took me for blood test, but that was for my own good and in the end I did thank him for it. Because I was putting myself as well as other people through unnecessary stress when I could have just taken if and for it over and done with.

My problem was that I was afraid of the results. They were negative but I still wondered what I would have done if they came back positive..

"Call me selfish but I don't want you to go." He mumbled.

It was only because I knew the next words of the song and knew they weren't the words that my brain fired to.

"I don't want to either but I have to go.."

"I know."

I had discussed with him earlier that I was going home, to England. I had to go back and see my mum. It was overdue and now I needed to go more than ever after she started her treatment.

We had an argument over it because I wasn't going to wait until a season break. I was going without Zak, but he wanted to come over as well.

We ended up shouting at each other, by shouting I mean I've probably damaged my throat from it but for a second we reverted back to our old ways and it took Zak to stop and hug me for me to give up.

I didn't want to argue with him, but I needed to go, and he needed to understand that. Eventually he did and then made me book an open return so that he could come over as soon as he finished his lockdown.

Ellen was more than too happy to have Gracie based on the fact her son had found someone she adored...

Me. (Hey there!)

It was only a week but I wanted to go and spend time with my mom before we do the whole.. 'This is my partner.. Zak.'

My mum would probably go all gooey and pull him in whilst squealing before trying to do the baby photos and grandbabies chat.

Trust me.. She's already told me the plans (hence my reason for trying to get my ass over there before Zak. I could warn her enough about anti-kids Zak... I hoped.)

"What if you need me?" Zak asked.

"I'll be okay."

"What if I need you then?"

"You're old enough now to iron your own boxers.."

"I laughed when I saw you do it but now I feel like a king putting them on."

I laughed lightly "That's the reason for the striding around the bedroom in them?"

He nodded with a smile. I smiled remembering him running his hands over his butt like the grinch did in the film whilst he was trying to get ready.

Of course I flew out of bed and took over giving his bum a few taps like a set of bongo drums. That was until he returned the favour... Whilst I was brushing my teeth. I almost choked on my toothbrush when he took me by surprise.

"No I mean.. What if I need you."

I finally understood what he meant and laughed.

"Patience."

"But we can't do that in your parents house. I want to live!"

I giggled "Well, you'll have to behave then."

He grumbled but I wasn't quick enough to hear the words he was muttering under them.

So this was the reason behind the cuddliness, he was going to miss me. Something I was surprised at.

"I don't see why you didn't wait a week? I would be off then and we could have flown together."

"You've got work, Gracie will be with your mum and I will be here on my own s-"

"Come with us on lockdown then."

I sighed "Just stop."

He groaned and pushed his face into my boobs before he began laughing at what he was doing.

"You know! This ain't half bad!" He laughed.

I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tightly. "You're such a tool."

"But you love me! Just admit it! Everyone does!"

I rolled my eyes.. I wouldn't admit it..

Not yet anyway.