Not Expecting to Collide (COMPLETE) - ABP Fanfiction

Chapter 69 - Season 6/ Episode 5/ 'Bush Pizza' /Pt. 2

Matt and Amber trudge through the bush hand in hand. "Look over there!" Amber points to the underside of a fallen tree.
Matt laughs and scrambles over the top of the log. "Jackpot!" He yells. The camera shows a close-up of Matt's hands as he demonstrates to Amber how to cut the stem of the mushroom off near the ground and gingerly brush the dirt off.
Off screen voice (producer): How do you eat wild mushrooms?
Matt (in interview): Oh! Well, I just open my mouth and drop them in and chew.
Amber (in interview); rolls her eyes: She means how do you prepare them?
Matt (in interview): Ooooh! Haha! Just fry'em!

"Does Matt actually know which wild mushrooms are edible and which are poisonous?" October asked with skepticism.
Bam shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."
"Hm mm." She replied. "Remind me not to eat any mushrooms while we are staying there."

Narrator: In the kitchen of the main cabin, Bird and Rain struggle to follow a recipe without the loving guidance of their mother.
Bird (in interview): I thought I knew how to do a lot of things but it turns out I still have a lot to learn.
Rainy (in interview): Yeah, like what's the difference between instant yeast and traditional yeast? And is one cup of flour, like, a coffee cup full?
Rainy and Bird stand over a large bowl on the table covered in a fine dusting of white flour. "Does that look right?" Birdie asks. Rainy shrugs and checks the recipe book again. "I don't know. It says 'cover and let rise for twenty minutes in a warm place.' Is the sunny window warm enough?" Bird plunks the bowl on the window ledge and covers it with a white towel. "I guess we will find out."
Narrator: Noah has succeeded in directing his brothers in the construction of an outdoor oven.
Noah (in interview): I do appreciate the help of Bear and Gabe, however, sometimes I wonder if both of them are all braun and no brains.
Bear stands on top of the completed brick oven and howls. Gabe stands at the foot of the oven and dances a little jig. "I expect there'sh pizza in the future." He says in his best Sean Connery impression.
Noah begins to stack wood in the oven for Bear to light.
"I will make the most extreme, pizza-cooking fire ever!" Bear exclaims.
Loud voices can be heard coming from the trapper shack and the three brothers stop working on the oven to see what is the commotion.
"You're being ridiculous!" Bam's voice could be heard clearly through the trees.
"I'm just trying to make this..." Bambi's voice shot back. "This hovel a little bit more livable!"
"Hovel?" Bam shouted. "If it's so terrible, why did you even agree to come to Alaska in the first place?" The trapper shack comes into view of the camera. "Because I thought we were in a relationship!" Bambi's voice screams back. The door opens and Bam stomps out with Bambi hot on his heels. "Don't walk away from me!" She grabs his arm and he spins around to glare at her. The camera zooms in on the two of them. "How can we be in a relationship when you're never around?" Bam yells back at her. "Tell me, where do you go? Are you messing around with my brother?"

"She was supposed to slap me there but she was too nice." Bam murmured.
"I would've had to scratch her eyes out if she did." October sneered.
"You almost slapped me the other day." He replied.
October nodded. "You deserved it. And I still might if I get the chance." She retorted. She knew it was all pretend but it was still difficult for her to watch. The anger that she felt the first time she saw Bambi touch Bam came back easily as she watched their argument unfold onscreen.

"At least your brother isn't a brooding, snivelling, jackass who ruins the fun for everyone around him!"

October's eyes widened. "Ouch! That's low. I can't believe Myra sank to the level of allowing the writers to call you that."
"Myra didn't." Bam smiled at her. "I did."
October's eyes turned to him and narrowed in confusion. "What?"
Bam turned to face October. "I was pretty much an ogre after you left in June and I took it out on her. I felt pretty bad about it after and went to apologize to her one day - the day this episode was filmed." He gestured towards the TV. "Bambi caught me completely off-guard by telling me she was quitting the show. She said she wasn't even an actress, her name wasn't really Bambi and her new boyfriend didn't like her pretending to be with me, even if it was just for the cameras."
October tilted her head. "I can relate. She sounds almost human."
"Yeah, I was surprised too. She's actually a really nice girl. We came up with a plan to stage a huge, break-up fight for the cameras. This part was all planned by the two of us."
October was silent for a moment. "I still don't like her."
Bam grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "You will never have to see her again. She's probably back in Seattle with her new boyfriend watching the same re-run as you and I."

"I've had it with you and your remodeling, and whining, and complaining. I don't know what I ever saw in you in the first place!" Bam growls at Bambi.

Her face contorts in anger before she shouts. "Oh don't worry. The feeling is mutual. I rue the day I ever got on the plane to come to this god-forsaken place! I'm getting out of here. Don't expect me to ever come back!"

"I wouldn't want you back if you were the last woman on earth!" Bam yells as he stands nose to nose with her.

"I wouldn't come back to you if you were the last man on earth and I was out of batteries!" Bambi screams back.

This is exactly where October loses it. She laughed so hard her sides hurt.

Bam turns his back to the camera. His shoulders shake with rage. Bambi covers her face with her hands and runs into the trapper shack, slamming the door behind her. The screen fades for a commercial break.

When October recovered from laughing, she asked. "Did she come up with that or did you?"

Bam grinned. "She came up with that spur of the moment. We never planned for her to say that. That's why I had to turn my back to the camera. She told me she ran into the shack because she was going to laugh. It looks like I'm shaking in rage but I'm actually trying to hide that I was laughing too."

October wiped her eyes. "Ok, I take it back. I don't hate her anymore. I don't want to be her best friend but I don't hate her any more." She laughed again. "On the other hand, anyone who can come up with a comeback like that probably has a wicked sense of humour."

Bam's eyes crinkled in amusement. "I didn't talk to her after that day. She was never on the set again. I did see her in town, walking down the street. I don't know why she was still in Hoonah if she was off the show. I waved to her and she waved back but it's not like we keep in touch."

October put her hands on her stomach, which hurt from laughing so much. "So what was her real name? I knew that the name 'Bambi' couldn't be serious."

Bam shrugged. "She told me her name was Rosanna."

"Rosanna!" October shrieked in surprise. "Rosanna?" She exclaimed again before dissolving into another fit of giggles that left Bam completely confused.

"What?" He asked. "Did I miss something?"

October composed herself enough to shake her head and plant a kiss on his lips. "No, Bam. Nothing you need to know at the moment." She snickered. Not wanting to divulge anything else to Bam just yet. Perhaps he deserved to be kept in the dark about this a little longer.