Not Expecting to Collide (COMPLETE) - ABP Fanfiction

Chapter 105 - Still

Oh, come on now! Did you really think I would leave you hanging all weekend after that short little teaser? Pas moi! Enjoy lovelies!
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After her sobbing had subsided a bit, October lifted her head from her hands to look at him. To say he was in shock would be a gross understatement. "But, but how?" He sputtered. "I thought you were on the pill?"
October nodded and covered her face with her hands. "I am! I have been for six weeks." Then she looked up at him again. "The pregnancy test says I'm six weeks along."
Bam looked skyward as he mentally calculated back six weeks. "Banff." He whispered. October nodded and started sobbing again. Bam wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. "It's gonna be okay, baby." He said, trying to comfort her while his mind reeled. That only succeeded in making her cry harder into his shirt.
"I don't want to be pregnant, Bam." She said between hiccoughs. "I'm not even used to having one baby yet and now I'm going to have two." Her breath hitched again. "Before Christmas!"
"Hey Bam!" Matt shouted from The Integrity. "You coming or what? I need those tools!"
Bam's brow creased in annoyance. "Gimme a sec." He called back gruffly. He gathered October in his arms and rubbed her back until she managed to calm herself and catch her breath. He held her tear-streaked face in both his hands and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. "Don't worry, baby. I'll take care of you." He looked right into her whiskey-hazel eyes and promised her with every fibre of his being. "I'll take care of all of you." His blue eyes bore into hers until she nodded silently. A calmness washed over her as he gently bent his head to place a soft kiss on each of her eyelids. "I'll finish up my work as fast as I can and come home. We have a lot to talk about."
He watched her lone figure standing on the beach as he maneuvered the skiff over to The Integrity. He couldn't help but feel like he had let her down once again.
He threw the bag of tools on the deck of The Integrity and scrambled up the side. Matt had the bag open before Bam put both feet on the deck. "You forgot the putty knife, man! That's the one thing that I really needed." 
He looked up to see that Bam had already turned his back to him. "Hey!" He yelled. "I need the putty knife."
Before Matt even knew what was happening, Bam had him pinned against the wall of the cabin by the scruff of the neck with his other hand pulled back into a fist. "Then go get it yourself." Bam spat out from between clenched teeth.
Matt raised both his hands up, palms out in a surrendering gesture. "Okay, okay." He deliberately softened his tone. "I'll get it myself. Chill out, Bro."
As if only just realizing what he was doing, Bam looked down at his fist clenched around Matt's jacket. He immediately dropped his hands and took a step backwards. "S-sorry, man." He said brokenly. He turned away from Matt and leaned against the cabin. He held his head in his hands and let his legs give out underneath him. He let out a string of expletives and sighed heavily.
Matt looked down at him curiously but instead of retaliating, he slid down the wall and sat beside him in true Matt fashion. "Is it that bad?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood with his lopsided grin.
Bam leaned his head on the wall behind him and looked up at the rolling clouds. "October's pregnant."
Bam didn't see the grin slide from Matt's face. "And that's bad?" He questioned, not understanding.
Bam scrubbed a hand across his face. "She doesn't want to be pregnant. We agreed, no more babies until we are ready. Isabella is only four months old. We just got the shipping business set up. We just got our family to a good place."
"Are you saying you don't want this baby?" Matt asked.
"No." Bam replied, then with more conviction. "No, never. I would never say that. How can I not want Isabella all over again? It's just that a baby complicates things, ya know?"
Matt shook his head. "Explain it to me."
Bam scrunched his eyes up. He didn't know how Matt was going to take what he was about to say. "I don't want October to have Ma's life."
Matt raised an eyebrow. "That's an interesting thing to say."
Bam rushed on. "I don't want her to feel like I'm treating her like a brood mare. I don't want her to feel like she is my possession." He changed tone. "Do you ever wonder if Ma really wanted to have seven kids?"
"You don't think we were all wanted?" Matt asked trying to grasp Bam's meaning.
"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. And I wouldn't give up any of us for anything but maybe Ma just wanted to be Ami for a bit. She's never gotten that opportunity. You'll understand when you and Amber have kids." He shrugged. "I'm just saying maybe Ma didn't want to be pregnant for that amount of time."
"I think," Matt replied. "That Ma wanted whatever Da told her she wanted."
"Exactly." Bam nodded in agreement. "I don't want that life for October."
"She won't have Ma's life, Bam." Matt declared.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Well, first of all she won't have Ma's life because she's nothing like Ma. She's strong and has her own opinion and she challenges you and stands up to you. She's an equal partner." Bam nodded. His brother was making sense. "And secondly, she won't have Ma's life because you aren't Da." It was the exact same thing that October reminded him often. You're not him.
Bam sighed and rested his elbows on his knees. They sat together in silence for a moment, looking out over the still waters before Matt spoke again.
"Amber can't have kids."
Bam turned his head sharply to look at his brother. Matt continued to look out over the water as he spoke. "She has endometriosis - scar tissue in her uterus." He explained. "She's been given a thirteen percent chance of conceiving."
"Oh god, Matt. I am such an ass." Bam felt ashamed. While he was sitting there complaining about how unfair it was that his wife was pregnant again earlier than planned, Matt had been harbouring this secret heartbreak.
"She won't marry me." Matt divulged further. He felt Bam's eyes ask the question he didn't voice. "She knows how much I want children. She's put all the wedding plans on hold. I told her that yes, I want kids but I want her more. I can't imagine my life without her." He fisted both his hands into his unruly mop of curls and pulled till it hurt. "But still," his voice dropped lower than a whisper. "I really, really want kids too."