Lucky (GTA V)

50: Eighteen Weeks

Christmas came and went. New Years was approaching. It was the same scenario. My family celebrated with Christmas music and a big green fake tree covered in lights and ornaments.
I'd given Trevor a collectors edition Impotent Rage action figure and the notebook. He cried. For real.

***

"Trevor what did you do?" I giggled and turned red as I ripped the poorly but thoughtful wrapped paper on a box.

"Just open it." Trevor smirked.

I pulled the top off and almost gasped. He'd bought me lingerie from an expensive collection.

"Trevor..." I trailed off while looking at it.

"I can't wait to take this off you." He leaned over and growled in my ear.

But Christmas didn't matter to me now. I was scared. I knocked on Tracey's door after tip toeing across the hall.

"Tracey I need your help, please don't freak out."

She looked up from her nails and her laptop. "What?"

I shut the door behind me and sat on her bed. "I think... I think I might be..." I started. I bit my lip hard hoping to draw blood to put the attention somewhere else besides me. "Okay I don't know for sure but I might be... I am pregnant." I whispered.

Tracey laughed. "You're joking right?"

I shook my head and her smile turned to a frown. "What!? You had-" I jumped on her bed and slapped my hand over her mouth to stop her yelling. "Tracey!" I yell-whispered.

"You had sex?" She yell whispered. "With who?!"

"It doesn't matter! I just don't know what to do..." I trailed off and felt tears coming to my eyes and Tracey pulled me into her arms. I wrapped my arms around her torso and sobbed as quietly as I could to not draw attention from Amanda and Michael and Jimmy.

"When was your last period?" She asked.

"Like... five months ago?"

"How did you not notice?"

"Irregular."

"Oh God, I don't know what to do." She said. "...Are you gonna keep it?" She asked hesitantly.

I sighed. "I don't know." She ran her hands through my hair. After a few minutes of silence, I said "I can't."

"Can't what?" She asked.

"Keep it. I'm too young. I can't. And with my career, I can't." I said as tears rolled down my cheeks. "God I don't even fucking know if I am."

She continued stroking her hair. "I can make you a doctors appointment. Just leave it to me, okay?"

I lifted my head and nodded. "Okay."

***

Two days later, Tracey and I went to the doctors. I was so fucking scared that someone would follow us and take pictures. We both went in wearing sunglasses with messy buns and sweatpants.

"We have an appointment." Tracey said to the lady at the front desk.

"Name?" She asked.

"Alana De Santa." Tracey almost whispered so no one would hear. We were led to a room where I had to change into a hospital gown and lay on one of the beds until someone came in.

An Indian woman entered the room wearing light pink scrubs. "Hi, I'm Kelly. I'll be administering your tests today." She said brightly.

"Hi," I said weakly. I was terrified out of my mind.

"Don't worry, they won't hurt." She assured me. I had a pelvic exam done and a urine test.

While waiting for my tests to come back, I laid on my side on the uncomfortable bed with the think white paper on top facing Tracey. I was given a blanket due to it being freezing in here.

"I'm really scared," I say, nearly trembling and not just from the cold.

Tracey reaches forward and grabs my hand. "It'll be okay. You can do this."

There was a knock on the door and Kelly came in holding paperwork. "Congratulations Ms. De Santa," Kelly said. "You're four months pregnant. About eighteen months along." She smiled.

My heart dropped, as well did Tracey's jaw. Four fucking months?! I got pregnant around my birthday... Or anytime in September. I can't even imagine what all the dancing and stress has done to my baby.

I'd noticed a small bump but I thought I was just gaining a little weight. I literally had no symptoms to point me towards pregnancy until I realized I hadn't gotten my period in almost half a year.

"Would you like an ultrasound?" She asked. I nodded, trembling.

She spread gel across my stomach that felt like -10 degrees in the already freezing room. I laid with my eyes closed until she told me to look at the screen. I opened my eyes and lifted my head and saw the distorted image of the fetus inside me. It just looked like a blob.

"Hear that?" She asked. There was a constant thudding. I nodded. "That's the heartbeat." She smiled. I felt some sort of connection. I grew that person. I can't think about it.

Tracey looked at me and mouthed "abortion?". I sighed, but nodded. She nodded back in affirmation.

"Can I talk to you in the hall for a second?" She asked Kelly.

Kelly smiled. "Sure." They both left the room. They left me alone with my thoughts.

Michael and Amanda will kill me. I'm already dead. How will I tell Trevor? How will I tell him that I'm pregnant? How would I tell him I killed our kid?

Fuck, I'm so fucked. I don't know if I can go through with it.

~~~~

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Edited 6/23/17