19: In The Middle Of The Night

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Title from Billy Joel's "River Of Dreams"

"What are you writing? Song lyrics?" Trevor asked. We laid in bed together and I held my notebook in my lap while scribbling.

"Actually no. I don't write song lyrics."

"Why not?"

I shrug. "I just can't think of any. Guys at the studio writes them for me. It's actual kind of weird that grown men understand teenage feelings." Trevor chuckles.

I notice I see a tent pitching in his sweatpants and I blush.

I closed the notebook and slid my pencil in the spiral. "Anyway, goodnight." I turned on my side away from him knowing he was turned on and hard and I wasn't gonna do anything just to piss him off.

"Oh come on." He sighed.

"Goodnight." I repeated. It was approximately midnight and I was tired. Michael was gone of course, probably sitting in his car thinking about how he messed up in his life. He probably thought I was the only one of his kids to do okay. But now here I was in a semi relationship with his best friend. Patricia was asleep. She turns in early.

"I'm gonna look through your notebook," he says and I hear the pages opened.

"Whatever," I mumble.

I almost fell asleep but then I remembered I had written very personal things in that notebook Trevor still held. I quickly turned back around and tried to grab the notebook but Trevor held it out of my reach.

"Wait," he said with his eyes still on the words I had written in sloppy, angry handwriting. I had written it in a rage.

"You don't know who your mother is?" He looked at me with sad eyes. I shook my head.

"Did you know her?" I asked.

"Yeah, I met her. Right before Michael fucked her. She looks just like you. Or you look like her, fuck I don't know. You're prettier than her though. Way."

"Well...that's good I guess." I said.

"Don't get sad about it. She's the fuckin loser." He tried to cheer me up.

I grabbed the notebook and put it on the nightstand and rolled back to Trevor. "Let's just forget it." I said and then added a smile. "I love you." I said.

"I love you too, Princess." He leaned in and kissed me.

"Imagine if everyone who wants to kill you heard you right now." I joked.

"Yeeesh." He replied and I laughed.

***

I woke up in the middle of the night but didn't feel Trevor's arms around me. Or Trevor even next to me. I lifted my head and looked around. Then I saw a small cloud of smoke and I could see the outline of his head.

"Are you alright?" I asked Trevor who sat on the floor against the bed with his pipe in his hand. He didn't reply. "Bad dream?" I pressed on. Silence. 

 

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