Lucky (GTA V)

51: Let's Kill Tonight

(Sorta gory-ish content, may be trigger warning)

Kelly discussed options for me. The only one I seemed to have was a surgical abortion because I was so far along. I kept trembling with fear.

The good part, I didn't have to tell mom and dad. I was legal and it was my decision. We talked about my medical history which was squeaky clean. Only thing was a sprained toe that wasn't even that bad. Michael just wanted to be sure I didn't break it from all the crying I'd done when I was like, 9.

I had more and more tests and exams until I felt like I was gonna fall apart. Then I signed the papers. The papers to kill my child.

"So the procedure will be, we will give you an anesthetic so you will be asleep. Then we'll insert a speculum inside you. Your cervix will be prepared for the procedure. You may be given medication or have absorbent dilators inserted a day or a few hours before the procedure. They will absorb fluid and grow bigger. This slowly stretches open your cervix." She explained. I could hardly understand the medical talk. I just nodded as she kept explaining.
Soon enough, she held the mask over my face. I held Tracey's hand tightly.

"Now can't backwards from ten." She instructed.

10, 9, 8... 7

My grip on Tracey's hand loosened.

6...

I was gone.

***

After I woke up, I was transported to a rest area where it was painful as I laid on that bed curled into a ball. It felt like cramps times 100 and I was bleeding.

Tracey stayed with me and held my hand through the pain. "Do you remember that day in 2013 when I told you I was sick and I didn't want to see anyone at all that day when you asked me to play with you?" Tracey asked awhile holding my hand.

I nodded through the tears. "I got an abortion too."

I was astounded. "I had no idea." I gritted my teeth from the sharp pain.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I get sad sometimes. But I'd rather get sad sometimes than be stuck with a kid at twenty."

"Or nineteen." I added.

"Don't tell anyone, okay? These are our secrets." She said.

I nodded. "I won't." Kelly came in again and told me it went smoothly and everything was normal again.

I won't have period for four to eight weeks and I shouldn't have sex for a week for I could get pregnant again very soon. I'm supposed to be seeing Trevor soon. What do I tell him?

"Who did you have sex with?" Tracey asked. "Please tell me."

"I can't." I said. How could I? "I don't want to think about it."

Tracey nodded. "Alright."We left the clinic after another hour. We walked out hand in hand and to Tracey's car. My walking might have looked a bit weird, but it was still painful and sensitive.

I couldn't get over the fact Trevor and I created a child. A human being. And I killed it. It's my fault. Trevor would hate me. Everyone will hate me. Tears rolled down my cheeks behind my sunglasses.

***

don't hate. Wether you're pro life or not, it's not your decision until you're the one sitting in the chair having a break down.

Edited 6/23/17