"You're a star now, welcome to the big league. They all wanna pic. They all wanna see what you're made of, what you're gonna do. Is life gonna get the best of you?"
(Written 12/5/15 - 2/20/17)
(Under editing from 2/21/17 - 6/27/17)
Main Instagram: c...
build these walls up so high, needed my room to breath
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"Just to say, that you will always be in my heart. My heart is full because you are in it. Be good. What we have together, it was very special. I love you but I am a wife and a wife must be with her husband."
-"U r a good woman. He is a lucky man. If he hits you or shit, I will rip his head off and fill his stomach with a piss. I have thought about it a lot. I've also done it. But not 2 ure husband. It's quite fun. I miss you. You were the best thing eva. A woman who liked me and who I cood be myself with. Not a cunt like most people. If you want to leave him I am w8ting 4 u. always. Love Trevor.
-T"
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the emails between Trevor and Patricia. I threw Trevor's phone down on the bed and picked up my car keys. Trevor was in the shower so I went up to the door and heard the shower running.
I opened the door and saw all the steam floating in the air. "Trevor?" I choked out. He opened the glass door and stuck his head out. His hair was matted to his forehead.
"Yeah babe?" He asked.
I tried to make my voice sound like I was just crying. "I have a family therapy appointment with my dad. I'll see you later." I said emotionless and closed the door. While driving, an ad for myself came on the radio.
"She's Miss American Dream. She's Alana De Santa. Buy her new album on FruitTunes and tickets to her show Dream Within A Dream! Tickets selling fast!" Then I'm Slave 4 U began playing.
I chuckled to myself in disbelief. American Dream? I'm the opposite. I've done so many bad things, this isn't the dream. My father probably hates me, Amanda probably wishes I wasn't here. I killed my own child. I'm in love with an older man. I'm the product of prostitution. A burden. Not the dream.
I drove to the mall to pick up Michael. He and Amanda spend time together today and they went shopping. I had to get Michael from there to go to our appointment. He could sense something was off about me. "What's wrong?" He reached out to grab my shoulder but froze and pulled away. I wished he would have. I wanted to feel loved by him.
"Nothing." I replied.
"Alright" he dropped it, but he wasn't convinced. "I have a question to ask you." He said and he pulled out his phone. I felt my heart lurch into my throat and kept my eyes on the road.
"What is this?" He asked and showed me his phone while we were at a red stoplight. I looked down at his phone screen and saw an article about me being pregnant.
