Judge Me Not

The Deciding Games (HeBrokeMyheart)

Title - The Deciding games.

Genre - Teen Fiction (I would also say a bit of sci-fi, from what I have read in the Introduction!)

Rating - PG-13 

Blurb - I look up to at gray sky, the only color showing is from a red, glowing electronic message . Its grown fainter but I can still see it clearly. ‘New York news: GOVERNMENT HAS FALLEN -blink – WORLD IN RUINS- blink- PLAN 34197 IN ACTION.’

The review

The Deciding games; nice title by the way.

The introduction: I think personally you could have dealt with a lot more description; I want to read about how people were running for their lives! Their panicked faces and how that made the characters, Sharm and Caption feel. I want you to describe to me the scene that’s taking place in New York (I think it is set in New York :S), I want to  read about shop windows being smashed, places being set on fire and how you can hardly breathe or move waiting for your life’s to end. You have the story line, and it’s a good one but you’re missing the spark that draws people in, when I read it I want to feel as if I am there, I want to be able to picture it! So you need to add more description.

 I also felt sometimes as if you were telling rather than showing, at times it felt a bit like this – “He went to the shop and brought some milk, he then went and sat on the couch.” That is telling. When it should be – “Dave strolled along the cracked pavement humming to himself, as he reached the shop handle he stopped and nodded to the woman behind the till. The milk was ice cold in his hands as he walked over to the woman.” This sounds much better as your adding in description! Other than that I thought it was a great story line concept, I did get a little bit lost at times but then again introductions are supposed to keep you guessing. I did notice some grammar, punctuation mistakes that you may just want to cheek over but other than that good job and keep it up! If you wish for us to do a whole book review just pm us and let us know, this way we know the whole concept! 

(P.s – make sure you add more description, it will help you improve it a lot! Also I just want to say I hope you don't take offence of anything I said! >.< I'm just trying to help you and I've pretty much grown in writting from other peoples comments)

6* out of 10* 

Also if you are intrested in doing a interview to help promote your book just message totallyinsane and she'll set you up!

 From HeBrokeMyHeart/ Annalise <3

---- If you wish to read this book, it will be in our library! -----