Judge Me Not

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust by WatchingEyes (Review: Pinkypromise99)

Title: Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

Author: WatchingEyes

Genre: Short story, Fantasy

Rating: G

Blurb: When Timothy realises Granddad can no longer live on it's up to him to let him go. They discover the Garden of Eden together and on Granddad's deathbed Timothy decides whether to let him live on in heaven, or to let him die on Earth. A Short Story told in just 429 words.

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Review:

Of the record, I just want to say that the title, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust fits you're story so well & I think you're story is so beautiful!

I don't have much to critique this story by not only because it was a short story, but because I couldn't find anything wrong with it. The atmosphere of the story kind of wrote it self out and it was lovely! The only thing that got me jaded was the transition from when Timothy's grandad died to when Tim was a grandad himself. Maybe it was because I was reading it on my phone, but when I was reading over that I thought something was wrong with my phone or something! Maybe having one of those little spacers will help. Usually they help readers differentiate when a certain thing has ended or started in a chapter.

Here's what I mean : It was a cold morning, unusual for a place like Phoenix. Bob looked at the list of items his mother told him to get at the store, a smile on his face when he saw "chocolate" on the list. He yelled, "Bye mom and dad!", grabbed his keys then headed out the door.

*************** <---(that's the "spacer")

It was now the evening. It was hot. Bob took the hat he had on his head and saw it had sweat. He grabbed a towel from the laundry room and wiped his head. Then he went and grabbed a chocolate bar. He loved it. It tasted yummy.

Okay, so that was my failed attempt in properly explaining what I call spacers. I don't know the actual term for them, but I hope this helps! 

Anyway, back to the review. The spacer thing was the only thing I could think of that needed fixing in the story, but that might not really matter. If someone just re-read that part, everything makes sense again! 

I really enjoyed the story, It kind of reminded me of Naria (the first one). The way you described how the vines and trees forming made me thing of how Narnia changed after Aslan defeated the White Witch...anyway....... ^.^

Great story, WatchingEyes!

PS- It's a pretty impressive story for just 429 words! :)

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Wanna get an interview? Well now you can! PM @totallyinsance and she'll make it happen!

~Note: Please don't take offend to anything I said, it wasn't my intentions to hurt you're feelings...(if I did. If not, then just read on!) :) [If I did, then I am sorry:( ]

Overall rating: 9/10!! =)

~To check out this beautiful short story, check out out library, it's there!

~*~Revied by: Pinkypromise99~*~