Judge Me Not

Angel Violin by ShawtieDoowop [Review- LovelornSighs]

Title: Angel Violin

Author: ShawtieDoowop

Genre(s): Short Story, Non-Fiction

Rating: PG

Blurb: This is the tale of a young lady by the name of Jeronika Miller. She has a rough and tumble life, but landed on her feet. Or more like the arms of Blaze. Her hero and soulmate, they traveled through three years and a now long-lasting relationship. But something has been bothering the 22-year old. In search of anwsers she travels to her last resort in search of anwsers and relief. What ensues is a story of love, heartbreak, adventure, memories, and a reminder of what a team really is, all tied in the bond by a faceless angel.

Review:

First off: I read your title and took a double take when I saw your genre next. Haha, which really intrigued me enough to read your story :) 

Overload of descriptions makes this chapter a bit heavy on the eyes. People usually don't like to be bombarded with heavy paragraph after heavy paragraph, try to lighten the paragraphs a bit. Otherwise, good use of vocabulary and nice grammer. I find that in this chapter, there could have been a little more movement, it was a bit slow and didn't really have much material that made the reader want to move on to the next chapter. Sometimes, there are a few places where I found your sentence structures to be inconsistent or run on or awkward. Example: 'Whatever was wrong needed someone that could actually do something more than google her symptoms'. It took a couple tries on my part to break that sentence apart and look past the awkwardness of it. Maybe you should add in a comma somewhere, or wipe the whole sentence out and write it over.

The ending was awkward, and abrupt. You need to lay down a nice transition before ending the chapter, and then end in a note where it's final. Overall, you need to review this chapter over a little, but the idea is good and I liked how you portrayed the character. Good job :)

Rating: 7/10

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~Lilly/ LovelornSighs