Judge Me Not

Becoming Ambellina by TheWritingWriter13(Reviewed by JanBear_04)

Title- Becoming Ambellina

Author- TheWritingWriter13

Genre- Fantasy & Romance

Synopsis- "If you could listen closely, at this very moment, you could almost hear my life twisting and turning on its axis, spiraling me into a whole new dimension."

Follow Ambellina as she is thrown into a new world full of unbelievable people and lurking danger. Taken in by two strange young men, Ambellina begins to learn a lot about herself, and the secrets of her past come simmering to the surface.

Review-

To be honest, I really don't know where to begin. I swear my words are caught in my throat! Gosh but I really liked the first chapter I read of Becoming Ambellina. You got my heart racing, in the fear of this young teenage girl getting caught. I loved the way you wrote it in all. I mean you built so much anticipation and had my stomach fluttering with butterflies. I was so nervous for Ambellina. You made me very curious as to what she was for this man named Blaine. Was she a slave, a maid, any thing along those lines? You had me asked for more which I loved and don't get me started on your descriptions! They were amazing. You had me picturing every thing so vividly in my head.

Another thing, even though you didn't jump into the Fantasy aspect of your story so quickly, I could really see the adventure starting to set in. Your usage of words was amazing, I don't think you could've done anything better but maybe were you say "eyeballed" you could change that to eyed. Also I think you should look over some of your dialogue. For instance, your first line "Come on." I groaned... Instead it should be "Come on," I groaned... Overall I think you did a wonderful job writing your first chapter and I'm sure your doing the same with the rest that you've posted! Keeping doing exactly what you are and you'll bloom with success! 

Rating- 9/10

Oh, and if you would like an interview just send totallyinsane a private message on her personal account and she'll set it up for you!

By- JanBear_04/Janaka =]

If you guys would like to read this story, it will be in our library!!