Judge Me Not

This is Just A Dream. Or is it my Reality? By NeverxGivexIn [LovelornSighs]

Title: This is Just A Dream. Or is it my Reality?

Author: NeverxGivexIn

Genre(s): Teen Fiction, Romance

Blurb: "My name is Candi Johnson, and this isn’t another sappy love story. It isn’t a fairytale, and in my life there is no happily ever after. My boyfriend, Landon Michaels, has been abusing me since the month after we started dating; and three years later, I’m still with him." Candi has put up with abuse for years, too in love with her track-star boyfriend to try and leave him, but how much longer can she really take it? How much longer before she reaches her breaking point? She has two options; break up with him and end the suffering, or let the beatings get worse and worse until one turns out fatal. Which will she choose in this struggle for her life?

Review:

First impression: woah! Long title! Haha, just kidding. First of all, I love your little 'blurb'. It doesn't have to super long, you summarized it so briefly and nicely. [I'm so jealous of that, my little 'blurbs' turn out to be not so little, at the end.] 

The first sentence already caught my interest. Landon instantly made a not-so-good impression on me. Just that first sentence made me want to slap him senseless and get him away from Candi. I've never been in an abusive relationship [Heck, I haven't ever been in a relationship, period.] so I have no clue how it feels. I have no idea what Candi has gone through, and why she's still with him. I can imagine, but I can never emphathize. So naturally, I was so confused through this whole chapter, wondering why the heck Candi was still with him after 3 years. [She gets the crap beat out of her, but why can't she report him?]

Also, remember to separate dialogues from paragraphs. This makes the story seem more 'readable', because big, chunky paragraphs after big, chunky paragraphs are HEAVY on the eyes. Review the chapter to find places you missed to put a comma. [Lack of commas make the story's nice flow fluctuate a bit for me] Oh my god! And I love sweet Landon. Not that it lasts long. He seriously needs some anger management therapy or something, but I love how sweet he was for that brief moment. How come he gets so ticked off easily? Is there a hidden past, or a traumatic childhood? Although, it would be interesting if there was no such thing, and he's just a plain psychopath. Also, does no one suspect her situation, what with the bruises and concussions, etc..? 

I love the way you make it clear that even though, Candi is not breaking up with him because of her love for him, she's also terrified of him. She didn't transfer to the rival school with him, and she's relieved about it-- and I just find that so ingenious! I also found it kind of confusing that Candi didn't have the abusive relationship 'symptoms' that they say people usually have. Like, being an introvert and etc. 

Now that I'm at the end of my review, I have to say this: overall, your first chapter was a BIG sucess! It captured my interest, it had a nice flow and you made the characters easy to picture and connect with. All you have to do is review it a bit, and fix up your grammar!

Rating: 9/10

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~Lilly/ LovelornSighs