Judge Me Not

Beware of Vengeance [totallyinsane]

Title- Beware of Vengeance

Genre- Mystery/Suspense

Rating- PG-13

Author- jinx01

Review

Your blurb reveals quite a bit, but at the same time is quite hidden/secretive towards the end and also also slighty confusing in the last paragraph. However, it intruiges me and makes me want to read on. You may just want to go over it for a few spelling mistakes as well.

The hooker/prolouge is a very good hooker! It's mysterious, slightly humourous with her remarks if you look at them in a certain light, realistic and the cliffhanger does make we want to read on.

Your first chapter is short and snappy and I know some people can think this is bad or that it is a hinderance to some authors but I think it makes it smooth and it certainly works well. You have many emotions in there even if some are subtle. Anger, hatred, remorse, loss, sadness and triumph. (As well as maybe a bit of a sadistic bitchiness going on :P )

When I went onto Chapter 3 and I read your little authors note I quickly strolled down to the bottom thinking there maybe be 7 or 8 pages there. Then I saw the 10. I was shocked and dreading reading on because I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out. But boy, (I am english and I will use terms like that whatever the case) was I having a change of heart!

Slight humour reigns at the beginning and you can also sense that Victoria is a very caring, loving and proud girl and by having already reading the first chapters this gives the reader a slight feeling of sadness knowing such a wonderful girl will turn into a heartless one.

You portray the innocence and slightly ignorance of a younger girl in the same situation well and realistically. You also portray a true family facing death. Get the children out first.

I can't judge the fight scene on realism because I know nothing about the belt system except that brown is the one below black (I think :P) so I assume she would be as skilled as you wrote her to be!

If there were three categories you should definitely put your story in Humour!

You use a decent amount of description and dilaouge and the story has a nice pace and flow to it.

Your whole story is snappy, humourous and intense and I think you could get very far with it! The plot is very good however I have recently seen a story with a similar plot line so you may want to add some twists! :)

Good luck with your story!

Rating

7.8

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-totallyinsane