Judge Me Not

Believe [totallyinsane]

Title Believe

Author Notebook

Rating PG-13

Genre Romance/Watty Awards 2012

Review

(Just wanted to say quickly, that I love the cover and the subtitle on it!)

Your synopis isn't length which is good and it attracts the reader at the very last line even if they haven't been that interested at the first.

Not many people think that prolouges are the best thing to have because published books don't usually have them, however you have made yours so that it is useful and good.

Even though you say in your profile your English may not be good I have only come across one mistake and most people have at least one in every chapter! (Prologue, 11th line down, 11th word across; proofed. Spelt write but doesn't fit the sentence gramatically. Should be proved.)

A few more mistakes in the next chapter but you keep the reader hooked; dropping small hints and things from the past that are left without an answer, making them have to read on to find one.It has a good plot line -so far- and the unexpected twist at the end is good! I didn't realise it was a student/teacher relationship.

You write it personally and the views on love given by Fiona are relatable to a lot of people.

You take a dip into not-realistic near the beginning of the next chapter (first italics section) because most parents, even if they were extremely angry at their child, would never kick them out. However, I'm sure they have good reason too and it is a good hooker again!

The rest of the chapter is good though, not as many 'plot drops' until the last page but you still manage to keep the reader interested by bringing in Liam again!

I like how you start each chapter with a quote; they are all relevant to the story and add a bit of difference to it.

You seem to have formed an art for leaving hooker-lines! I'm starting to really get into the story now and am interested to now more.

Your description is really good and makes the story flow much more easily than it would if you didn't have the description. Chapter Three is the longest chapter so far, but I think it may be your best- so far!

You have drips of humour which give the more story a lighter edge and without them I'm not sure many people would like it, but you don't put to much in giving it an edge.

The introduction of the Abby is interesting and you word it well. And I know this may sound silly but I just wanted to ask, even though when talking to the new person you might ask aboutt heir past usually, in the first conversation, people don't so why is Fiona worreid about Abby asking? Or is it that she is just paranoid?

Also, you want to work on consistency. On the first or second page of Chapter 3 you say the bar is opening that night, but yet she goes there later and starts working?

Nice cliffhanger ending which leaves us wanting more!

At the beginning of the chapter you say Liam has found something out? What has he found out? You haven't mentioned anything about Fiona saying anything or is it just finding out that she is phsyco when it comes to touching?

The beginning of this chapter is a bit choppy and doesn't really make a lot of sense and doesn't flow very well, however you even that out with the rest of the chapter!

(just a little pointer- don't put the thoughts in * put them in italics. Also somewhere, you may want to point out where they are!)

You leave another good cliffhanger (well, not really a clifffhanger..but, still good :) ) at the end and it seems there may be a lot going on in Chapter 5!

Overall

It's interesting and makes the reader ask a lot of questions and form answers in their own mind when you don't provide them straight away. The plot line is alreayd starting to form and is also good, looking like it will have a lot of twists in!

Rating

7.8 - grammar and spelling errors are your main worry but that is to be expected. You may also want to make sure your story flows without any haltings whatsoever!

Link to Notebook's user page-- www.wattpad.com/user/Notebook

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