Title: Order of Faith
Author: JennaTheDarkOne
Genre(s): Action, Adventure
Blurb: My life was planned out perfectly.
I'd get the best grades in school, graduate school at the top of my class, move out of Italy and into America where I would go to Brown University, I would live with my best friend Shawn, and get my medical degree in about 8 years.
But I didn't get far on that list before life decided a new path for me.
Things began to get strange after a man named Mr. James Day showed up for my graduation. Now my life is going into a never ending downward spiral of grief, pain, confusion, and regret as I'm pulled into a world of secret societies and lies.
If there was one thing I hadn't put into account when I was planning out my life, it was finding out I belonged to a secret group of assassins, but life does some strange things.
Review:
First off: amazing summary! Just that first sentence caught my interest. I love this! I usually don't like Action very much, but I really love your story! There's just that touch of history you added in with your dates, and it just wraps it all up so nicely. Very nice grammar, just check your 'there', 'their' and 'they're'. I like the unique character names. And you already introduced the conflict (the tainted blood line) and I love the timeline of this story! Your writing was amazing, not too heavy, but not thinned out. The way you laid out how the 'Assassins' came to be and were broken down, to how they were re-formed again. Great! And now because I really love this, I'll go on to Chapter 1!
Background:
Umm.. Creepy teacher alert! I'm guessing that Mr. Day is her mentor? He certainly made an impression on me. What is with the winking? And because I was on that train of thought, I had this weird image of a grey haired old dude winking at her and passing his number to her flirtily. *shudders* Back to topic. Sometimes, it's kind of confusing in this chapter because you switch from present tense to past tense and back. Try to stay consistent. Some of your sentences came off a bit awkward. Some lacked proper punctuation [lack of commas] and some just.. didn't sound right when I read them out loud. And again: remember your 'their', 'there' and 'they're' s. And woah! chunky name THERE! Alessandrina! Whew!
Chapter One:
The PENDANT! YES! YOU MADE MY DAY! Back to constructive criticism: your sentence structures are very good. The only problem you seem to have are minor punctuation errors, and your run on sentences. If you really want that sentence to go on, use semi colons! And woah! Warn people that there's going to be a major time skip! Four years have passed, man! And by 'puddle skirts', I assume you mean 'poodle skirts'? And again! CREEPY OLD DUDE ALERT! I would put a restraining order on that guy! I really like this chapter. Well written, and just captures that balance between light and heavy. My only problem: the ending!! It's so abrupt!
Overall, great story and beginning! Keep going, don't give up!
Rating: 8.5/10
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