Torn Between Two

Chapter 6

Troye

I rest my head in my hands during the entire maths class. The teacher doesn’t even question it. They know not to when I’m in one of these moods. They just confront me after class. And that’s exactly what happened. I just replied, “I’m fine,” and went to science.

Science with Connor. Our science teacher demands we have assigned seating, and of course, I end up next to Connor. I close my eyes and ignore everything until I hear my name. “Connor you will be paired with Troye Mellet.”

I look at Connor next to me and bury my face in my hands. I hear Tyler say something about Connor but I don’t listen. I groan before laughing and move my chair over next to Connor's “How about tonight you come over to my house we work on it so we don't have to spend anymore time together,” I raise my eyebrows. Connor nods. “My house at 4,” I say before I look at my painted nails. I hand him my phone, “Type in your number so I can send you my address later. I can't believe I'm being nice to you.” Connor nods but looks away into space. I raise an eyebrow, “Earth to Connor!” I say snapping my fingers in front of his face. He jumps, “Sorry, I was thinking about something.”

“Don't think I'm just doing this to be friends. It's for a project and as soon as it's done. I'll block you,” I snap suddenly. I pick the topic and Connor agrees. The bell rings and I compose myself before I put my hand on his shoulder, “See you at 4,” I say, squeezing his shoulder. He nods.

What are you doing to your repututation? “Shut the fuck up!” I mumble under my breath.
After Connor leaves, I go to find Tyler. I look in our spot in the cafeteria, but he’s not there. He’d tell me where he was, right? I text Tyler, where are you, boo?

He doesn’t answer.

I eventually head to my locker and see Connor across from me. I walk up to him. He looks over at me, looking extremely nervous and scared of me. “What’s up?” I ask.
He gulps, “Look, you can’t talk to me. You have to go hang out with Tyler and Zoe.”
“What?”
“Please, just go.”

He doesn’t want you. He’s scared of you. He’s not different to the others. Nobody will ever love you. “No, stop!” You’re just useless. All you know how to do is cut yourself and make people miserable. “Stop, please!” I sob under my breath before I look back at Connor.
I breath shakily in and fall against my locker with my back, tears streaming from my eyes. It makes a loud crash and people turn around. I quickly bury my face in my locker.

Everyone runs to class, but I run into the bathroom and lock myself in a stall. I pull up the sleeve of my sweater and look at the scars littering both arms. Look what you’ve done, Troye. People loved you. You hurt them by hurting yourself. “No! I didn’t!” I sob as I burst into tears. I feel my body shake as the world starts to spin around me. I can’t breathe. Pathetic. Useless. Faggot. Slut. “G-god, I’m pathetic,” I mutter sadly as I hear my phone buzz from my pocket. I pull it out.

Connor: Troye are you okay?
I shove my phone back in my pocket. Why would he care? Nobody fucking cares.
Another buzz.

Shit, I forgot, I think nervously. You’re going to ruin your reputation if you get caught. Then even Tyler and Zoe won’t like you. Then you’ll cut. Then you’ll cry and get back into hospital like the baby you are.

The words ring in my head of what I have been called. Faggot. Slut. I start to hyperventilate as I try to pull myself together.
Troye: yeah of course

I bash my head against the bathroom door and open it up as I step outside. I go to the sink and splash water on my face. It doesn’t hide the tear stains. I can’t go back to class like this, can I? I don’t have to because the bell rings. I run to my locker and grab my stuff, racing out of school before anyone can see me.