Torn Between Two

Chapter 51

Troye 

I have an amazing day planned for him. I got my mom to get something for me when she drops us off at the beach. I gave her the number and everything she needs to know to get it. Connor slowly getting his stuff ready. "I can't wait." Connor says and then grabs some sunscreen on. I hold his hand we walk out of the room. I see my mom smiling. She takes me off to the side. "Troye are you sure this is a big step in your life." My mom says. "Of course mom. I want him to feel happy." I say and she nods. "Alright time to go!" My mom says. Connor jumps up and down and I smile. He is like my little 5 year old boy. I walk out the door with the massive bag. "Here." My mom says putting the little cooler of food beside the car. I put the stuff in the trunk and Connor gets in and plays with his phone. I smile. I finish putting things in the car and I get in. "Ready?" I ask Connor he looks over at me. "Yeah I sure am." Connor says. I smile and we slowly make our way to the beach. "Babe this is my first time going to the beach and being in the ocean." Connor says. I smile. "Well I am glad I get to be the first to take you. You will love it." I say. "Oh I can take so many photos of us." Connor says he opens his phone up and then goes to the camera app. "Say beach day." Connor says and smiles. I kiss his cheek. Then we take another one that we both smile in. "I like that a lot." Connor says and then sets it as his lock screen. "I do too." I say and then my mom stops. "We are here boys." She says. I look and it is beautiful. "A very nice day to do this." My mom says. I nod. She helps me unload things. "Well I will see you at 5 to pick you up. After this you are okay with what you said Troye and then the thing." She says. I know what she is talking about. Connor looks at me. "Yeah mom thank you." I say and hug her. "You two have fun." She says and kisses my forehead. She hugs Connor tight. "You have fun Connor you deserve it. Both of you do." She says and gets into her car. I slowly grab the stuff and set it under a tree. I take towels out and lay them on the beach sand. I then put the cooler under a tree. I look around and there is a change room. I smile and grab the bathing suits. "Here I will race you." I say and point to the change room."Ready." I say and then he nods. I then take off. I laugh. He starts to run after me. "Mellet you suck." Connor says and then comes right up behind me and then passes me. "Nooo." I say and then he makes it first. "Ah get wrecked!" Connor yells and kisses my cheek we go into the change room. No one in the change room which is another plus, I take my shirt off and then take my pants off. Connor takes his shirt off. "Are they bad?" Connor asks and touches his skin lightly. "No babe they are not bad. They are fading every day. If someone comes up to you like this then they can see them. No one will because you are mine." I say and he smiles. "Okay. This is my first time going shirtless in public." Connor says. I kiss his nose. "I know you will be fine. You look hot." I say and he smiles. He takes his pants off. Then I change into my swim gear. Then he does as well. He looks at himself and then covers his stomach. "I feel fat." Connor says and then puts his head down. "Baby you are not fat. You are perfect okay. I will keep telling you this over and over again until you feel you are not okay?" I ask him and he sighs. "Okay let's go have fun." Connor says and then runs out of the change room. I just shake my head and chase after him. I then catch up to him. I then put my hands on my knees. To take a breath. "Wow it is beautiful." Connor says running to the water and crouching down to touch the water. I then walk over to him and do the same. "Thank you." Connor says and then turns to me and tackles me. I fall to the sand and some water touches my side. The nice warm and cool water.

"You deserve it." I say and he kisses my lips lightly. "The water is nice." Connor says and feels the water that comes close to us. I smile and then he rolls off me. He stands up and then walks to the towels. I smile and he hands me the sunscreen. "I don't want you sunburnt." Connor says and I smile. "I already did mine." Connor says and then sits down on the towel. He takes his phone out and then lays down. The clouds making a nice little shade for now. I finish applying the sunscreen and lay down next to him. Such a nice day and not many people out. Connor just takes pictures of a lot of things. I close my eyes and enjoy the heat. I roll over to face him but, my eyes closed. I slowly open them to him taking a photo of me. "No Connor." I say and cover my face. "To late I got some already." Connor says and moves closer to me. I move so he can get onto my towel. He puts his face into my chest. I put my hand on his hip bone. I hear some kids screaming and laughing. Connor doesn't sleep but, he breaths lighter. "I love you my little boy." I say into his ear. He kisses my chest and sits up a little. He turns to face the sky again. "Just think. There are many people watching us right now." Connor says. I just wait for what he has to say. "Up there. Sure maybe some are not. They have other things to do. But some of them are just focused on our life. I wonder what they think. That I am weak? Strong? Are they proud of me? Or should I just let the voices take over me? Should I cut more? These are all what they are thinking. They think all these things about us. Either they are judging us or they are proud of us you know what I mean?" Connor asks me. I think. He is right. "Yeah I completely understand." I say and he smiles. He stands up and then goes into the cooler to get a drink. I follow him and he hands me some water. "Awee did you make this or did your mom?" Connor asks. "I told her what to make." I say and smile. "Well the thought counts." Connor says and takes a drink of his water. He sets it down and then looks at me. "Want to go into the water?" I ask and he looks at it. "Sure." Connor says. He slowly starts to walk to the water. I then get an idea. I run behind him and pick him up. I run towards the water. "Troye no. I swear to god if you throw me in the water you will get it." Connor says moving around a lot. "Well sorry. I guess I am getting it then" I say and he stops trying to get free. I put my feet in the water and feel the waves coming towards me. "Troye Sivan fucking Mellet." Connor says as I walk in deeper and deeper. "Sorry Connor have to." I say and finally reach up to my belly button. I then lift him up. "Hold your breath." I say and Connor breaths in and then I throw him in. With a big splash and him coming up 2 seconds later. I see him wipe his face and then look at me with his eyes glaring at me. "I hate you." Connor says and then comes closer to me. "No you do not." I say and then he puts his hands in the water. He then moves them closer to me and starts to splash me. "No Connor no." I say and then try and get away. Before I can move he jumps on me and I feel my arms go down and I hold my breath. The water covering my face. I then pop back up and I see Connor laughing. "Oh fuck you." I say and then wipe the water off my face. "I know you would like that too much. The effect I had on you last night let me tell you. You were doing anything I ask you to do." Connor says. I smile and then nod. "Well I am sorry you are so fucking amazing at that shit." I say and he laughs. "It is true I am." Connor says and then comes closer to me. He ruffles my hair and then kisses my cheek. I hear someone playing music from there car. I smile and then it turns to a slow song. Connor looks at me. "May I have this dance?" I ask Connor and he smiles. "You sure can." Connor says and he latches himself to me. His legs around my waist. He doesn't put his head on my shoulder but, our foreheads touch. Then the song plays slowly in the distance. My hand on his waist and his both arms around my neck. My other hand goes to his neck. Slowly rubbing the hairs on his neck. The song plays as I slowly move in circles in the water. The waves slowly going against our bodies. The waves making it a little harder to stand but, I fight against it. "This is so relationship goals." Connor says. I smile and laugh a little. "Yeah it sure is." I say and then move closer to shore. The song ends and I smile. "Thank you for being such a good boyfriend." Connor says to me. "This is the best thing that has happened to me." Connor says and then kisses my lips making me stop moving. I feel the water come slowly down as I realize that I am in knee deep water. The wave comes in and knocks me over. I slowly fall and hit the sand and Connor starts to laugh. He rolls off me. I move closer to shore. "Wow." I say and then he keeps laughing. "That was so funny." Connor says laughing. "No stop laughing." I say and he shakes his head the water coming up my body and down. Same with Connor's I see the sparkle in his eye as he laughs lightly. The wet hair that is dripping onto his face. The way his eyebrows move on his face as he smiles. I slowly start to laugh with him. I touch his face after we stop laughing. "I love it when you smile." I say and he looks down and I tilt his head up. "The only reason why I am is because of you." Connor says and I nod. "If I didn't have you then I don't know what I would be doing, I could have been dead by now if you didn't come into my life." Connor says. "I am so glad I did." I say and kiss his lips lightly. For hours we sit in the water watching the waves come in and out. The water just touching our feet as it climbs it's way to us. This world is beautiful with it's nice clouds and the sun. If you take a minute and look at the world and tell me what you see? You see a world that you are put on for a reason. Enjoy this world while you can because you never know when it will be your last. "Troye?" Connor asks snapping me out of thought. "How much do you love me?" Connor asks and I turn my head to face him. "Why do you think of that all of a sudden?" I ask and she shrugs. "I don't know." He says and looks off into the distance. "Well your answer will be told tonight okay?" I ask and he looks at me. "What do you....." He is cut off by my lips. "Shh it's okay." I say and he smiles a little. "Let's have some lunch." I say. We stand up and clean off our butt's from the sand and we walk over to the cooler. I put the towels into the shade. I smile and then get out the food. I get some water and then I look in the bottom. A bottle of vodka. I then look down and think. Your mom is letting you do this.

Do you want to go through that all again? No stop please. I want to have fun. "What is?" Connor asks and then sees the vodka. "We don't have to." Connor says and takes it and puts it back in. I sigh. He is so amazing. I fucking love him. "Thank you." I say and then we sit down and eat together talking about the stupidest shit. Connor taking photos of us together on his phone. "I know what I want to do this week. Go to the mall and get some of our pictures and put them all over our walls." Connor says. "Yeah hell yeah I will do that." I say and then finish our lunch. We lay back out into the sun and relax. For hours we lay in the sun. Sometimes cuddling and sometimes just laying separate. "I will be so tan." Connor says and I smile. "I know me too." I say and then turn on my back. For another hour or so we lay and chat and listen to the waves. I then feel the sun slowly go down. The day coming to an end. "Connor stand up come with me." I say and he looks at me. I take his hand and I run towards the water. Every minute that is wasted he won't be able to take a photo. I also have my phone on me. I take him to the edge of the water. "Use your amazing skills and take a photo of the sunset." I say and he looks up into the sky seeing the colours form. He smiles and takes his phone out. He moves and sits between my legs. My hands go on his legs as he takes photos. He stands up and walks along. I follow him. He stops. "Walk more forward." Connor says I do what he says and takes photos. I just keep posing. I then turn around and smile while I walk forward towards him. He puts his phone down and runs to me and jumps on me. I move closer into the water and see the sunset getting closer and closer to the ocean. I set him down and he watches the sunset with my hand closed in his. The sun goes closer and closer to the ocean and Connor looks at the water and then he stands up and runs into the ocean to get more of the sunset. I follow him as he reaches the water up to his neck. I follow him and we just stay in the water until it becomes darker and darker. We make our way out and then we hear a car horn. I smile and I know this will be the moment of his life. This is when I confess my love to him. No I am not asking him to marry me but, some other kind of asking.