Torn Between Two

Chapter 24

Troye 

Connor in my arms. Am I really going to tell him my dad beats me too. That's what the black eye is from and the bruises are from. He will find out eventually. "What is it?" He asks touching my face lightly. "Well I just found out a big part in your life, and well I need to tell you something. You would keep asking anyways. Now that we are a thing. Connor Franta my dad beats me too." I say and look down. I feel his eyes burning a hole into my head. To find more information. "Cause I am gay." I say and look up. Without any words lips on me. This time a heated kiss. I watch his nose. His lips slowly moving against mine. He bites my lip a little. He slowly opens his mouth and I am opening a new gate into another world. His one hand on my neck and the other going through my hair. I bite his lip and pull away for a few seconds. Then go right back into the kiss. My hands on his lower back. He pushes the gap even closer. He then pushes against my stomach to fall onto the ground slowly. He straddles my lap and goes right back into kissing me. I smile into the kiss and I feel him smile against my lips as well. My hands slowly move down his back. I then break the kiss for a second. "Dad issues." Connor says out of breath. "Wow." I breath out. "You are soo good!" I say and put my hand on his cheek. "Ugh." Connor says and sits up still straddling my lap. His hands lay on my stomach nice and loose. "I am sorry this is happening to you." I say to him. "I am sorry that is happening to you." Connor says and moves down a little more and puts his head on my chest. "Being in that situation is hard." Connor says. Then plays with my sweater. I am scared he is going to see my scars. "What is something you didn't expect about me?" Connor asks then I think a little. "How sweet you are, how you are not an open book like I thought you are. You are such a closed book." I say and hums into my chest. He is like an old book that is not even picked up but boughten and never read. He sits on the self wanting to be open but, no one gives him a chance. I'll be that human who takes that book down and opens it up. The cold breeze comes up against us. Connor moves closer to me. To get the heat from each others bodies. "I'm here for you Connor. If your dad touches you I will take actions so you don't have to." I say and he nods. He sits up again. "Same with you. I don't like you in that situation either. Maybe that's why we click." Connor says and then looks into my eyes again. Answers is all he wants. "Why we click?" I ask and he smiles. "We are going through the same thing. We have dad issues, we have sadness, we are going through some tough times, we both self harm, we both hate people and get bullied." Connor says. Wait he said we both self harm! What! "Connor we both self harm!" I ask shooting up. "Fuck." Connor says and stands up and paces it. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Connor yells. "How did you know I did that?" I ask worried. He knew I did. "Yesterday when you were sleeping your sleeves fell down and I pulled them up and I saw. Fuck I shouldn't have said anything." Connor says. I stop him and bring him in for a hug. "Do you cut cause of us?" I ask meaning us as Tyler, me his bullies. "If you mean from bullies yes and other reasons." Connor says breaking the hug and stepping away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything it's a big subject." Connor says and starts to panic. He self harms. "You self harm." I say low so no one hears us. I look at him. "I'm such a weak person. You have reasons too. I just can't take what fucking bullies say!" Connor yells and walks over to a tree. He hits it with his fist. I run over and stop him. I look at his sweater then at mine. "That's why you wore a sweater everyday." I say and put the pieces together. Connor self harms because of me. Connor hurts himself from my words. Our words. "I am so sorry." I say and then he stops and looks at me. "It's not your fault." Connor says and then stops my eyes from looking away. "Connor you don't get it, I was your bully for so long why? I don't know why but, I am so sorry." I say and he stops me. "Let's go inside." I say and he touches my arm. "Troye." Connor says I turn to him right away. "I starve myself too." Connor says and I fall to the ground. "Fuck I am so so so sorry Connor." I say and start to tear up . "Troye snap out of your appologize they are not all because of you okay! Tyler! Zoe! Everyone else did it too not just you!" Connor says and pulls me up. "Okay." I say and we walk in hand in hand. The door opens right away. "Mom I am not talking!" Connor yells and takes his shoes off and runs up the stairs. I follow him. "Connor!" She yells and I sneak into his room and he slams the door. "Fuck off!" He yells and I lean against the wall. He puts his head against the door. He turns around and puts his head on my sweater. I slowly take my sweater off. He steps back. "Are you sure?" Connor asks putting his hand on my arm. "I am positive." I say. Showing scars is like sex. It's a big part in life. Definitely showing the ones you love. No one knows about my little secret I have dealt with for so long. Finally someone will. I slowly take my sweater off. I close my eyes as the sweater hits the floor. My arms slowly go down and I reach for Connor. He takes my hands and I open my eyes. "Oh baby." Connor says and runs his hand slowly up and down my arm. Not hurting the fresh cuts from the other day. "They are bad aren't they?" I ask and Connor touches one that is really red around it. "Fresh?" He asks and I nod. "The day when you came over and I was in the bathroom I did it then. I am sorry." I say and Connor puts my hands down. He unzips his sweater and stops. "Can you pull it off for me?" Connor asks he comes closer to me. "Yeah." I say and he puts his forehead against my chest. I slowly pull his sweater off his one arm and then the other one. "I have never told anyone about this." Connor says as the sweater hits the floor. He steps away from me and he hands me his hands and I take them. I look at the angry slashes on his arms. Fresh like mine. I slowly move my hands up and down them. I gently pull him to me and hug him tight. I feel so bad for him. He has been through so much. Half cause of me. I regret that with my life. If only I could turn back time. "Cuddles?" I ask and he nods. We walk over to the bed and he grabs his laptop, he turns it on. He rolls onto my stomach his stomach touching mine. I rub his back lightly up and down as we watch a movie enjoying each others company.