Torn Between Two

Chapter 12

Troye

As I fall asleep slowly and toss and turn the whole night. I hear an alarm, Connor probably getting up make sure he has everything. I lay in bed pretending to sleep until I feel him leave. I roll over to make sure to face him. I need to see him but, he might freak. So I slowly drift off to sleep again. I feel him lean next to me. He touches me lightly. "Goodbye for now Troye." Connor says and I feel a light touch to my lips. I can't kiss back. He might get really scared and run off. You can't do that to him, I am falling hard for him. Don't scare them off you have a habit of doing that. Many times before Troye just don't this time. I can't he is like me. He likes me back? No he just says that to make me not hurt at the moment. I keep my eyes closed until I hear the door close. He left. He left without me. At least I got a goodbye kiss before school. I will just think about that all day. The kiss, his beautiful eyes, his little emotions he has shown me. I always thought he was an open book. Those emotions he shows at school, but really when you get to know him, he isn't he is a closed book. Many more chapters to read. I would love to read his book one day, maybe figure out the chapters and what they really mean. Maybe help him write more, become a couple chapters. I would love that. It's hard writing a book of life. It's trying to finish a cool drawing without pencils. Or trying to paint without paint. It's almost impossible, but if you have that extra help, step or whatever you need. It will become easier and easier each time you try to make something. I look at my phone and think time to get up. I sigh and see a note written beside me. He wrote me a letter.

Mellet, there has been something I wanted to tell you and well........ How do I start? It may not be good. I really don't just let me tell you something, this is the first time I have felt happiness, I have felt something different. It may just be nerves or something else I can't tell. It's hard to explain the feeling. The warmth of the hugs, your a real friend. Thank you Mellet for that. I would never think i'm thanking someone who I never think I would talk to or even come over to their house and well I'm going to be gone before you read this letter but, I want you to know. That i'm not everything you see. It's an act? I don't know when I will tell you or if I ever will. I want to but, it's hard. I will think hard about it. But for now. Goodbye Mellet see you at school. I won't take anything you say to heart. I know how much your friends mean to you. I will let you keep picking on me. Goodbye Troye Sivan.

From: Franta

Connor my sweet Connor. He cares for me. I know he does. I want to talk to him at school. Make Tyler and Zoe fuck off but, then what will happen to all the secrets Tyler and everyone holds. They don't know everything but, my logo, I have done things. I'm not going to relive them again. Lets just say I am not proud of it! Never ever will be spoken about. He knows when I 'pick' on him he won't take it to heart because I mean nothing about those words that I hate saying anyways. Those words, Fat, Faggot, everything I called him, I didn't mean even when we were not friends I take my phone and go to his number and I start to type a sentence out and realize i'm wasting time. Time to get up Troye! Get our ass out of bed! The same fight I have every morning. I miss Connor I wouldn't be thinking this if he was here.  I get up and throw some clothes on not caring. I stand and look at myself. My face a little brighter than normal. Something I have never ever seen before in my life. The sign of happiness. "Don't fool yourself Troye, it's not that simple." I mumble to myself I throw my normal sweater on and don't bother to even care about my hair at this point. I just want to get to school and come home. Cry and cut. My normal routine that happens everyday. Cut, cry, wanting to die everyday!  I walk out and see my dad standing there. "Troye!" He yells. No not now. Please dad leave me alone. "Yeah?" I ask and he walks towards me fast. "Why did he even been near you, I saw that touchy shit! What did I tell you about the gay shit in this house. It doesn't happen." My dad yells. The alcohol in his breath. I close my eyes and flinch back when he puts a heavy hand on my shoulder. He will hurt me. Run Troye, get out of the house. Lock yourself in your room. "Dad I think you should go to bed. You may be tried. Nothing happened. He isn't my boyfriend he isn't gay." I say trying to sound like i'm not scared. "Don't fucking tell me what to do! You better not touch him!" He says and hits my face my eye dead on. I feel the pain and I fall to the floor. "Don't make me have to beat you more tonight you are lucky you have school!" He yells and kicks me in the stomach. He walks away into the room. I lay on the ground crying from the pain shooting through my eye and my stomach. Why do I have to live this life. I hate this place! You don't have to live this life Troye. You are right I don't!

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Guys sorry this is short. I have to sleep for an exam but, im so proud of this chapter. Like really proud. I love writing but, I miss my writing buddy. I have been writing this for the past week or so by myself and I tell you its hard. Im trying guys. I love how this turned out and expect and update tomorrow or something. I love you all who read my book it means the world I love you all *wink* Byeeeeee