Torn Between Two

Chapter 49

Troye 

I lay on Connor's lap playing with his sweater. I lift it up once and while to kiss his stomach. He giggles at it. He is glued to his book. I am glad he has found something to read. I know he doesn't have much to distract himself with. I just play with his shirt for a while. I get a text from my mom saying she is here. "Okay Con let's go." I say sitting up. "Okay." He says and puts the book down and then we walk out. "Troye I would like to talk to you alone for a second." My mom says. I sigh. "Okay I'll go back inside." Connor says. He leaves me with a little kiss on my lips. I sit in the front with the door open. "What?" I ask and she looks at me. "I honestly think you and Connor should take a break from dating. He is always over. He is always with you. Your school grades are not as high as they should be Troye. What do you want to be when you get older? So many things you need to know these things Troye. I know it may be hard to do it. When you do you will be happier." My mom starts to say. "Okay wait." I say and stop her. "First of all. I am really happy with him thank you! I love him! He is my only distraction on life and thoughts! If you want me to break up with him then that won't happen cause I know I will never do that. I am sorry he is always over. I would be over there but Marcus is coming over there." I start to say she stops me. "So? You and him are friends." My mom says. I put my hand to my face. "Mom we have not been friends since I dated Connor. He is a bully. I know you don't know these things. The only person I have in my life is Connor if I leave him. I will have no one. Do you want me to go back to depression?" I ask her. "No Troye I don't you know I never want you to." She says. I want to yell well I am still depressed he is the only one who keeps me alive right now. "So let me date him. I have one more year to figure out what I want. I don't know yet but, I will figure it out okay?" I ask and she looks at me and sighs. "Okay fine." My mom says and then I sigh. I want to tell her everything but, she will tell my dad and then the rest will be shit from there. The best way to do is keep it to myself and never tell her. I slowly walk into the school again ready to get Connor. "Hey is everything okay?" Connor asks me. "Yeah it's all good." I say and he nods. He stands up and takes my hand. "What do you want to do for a week?" Connor asks. "We can think tonight if you want. Plan out the days." I say and he nods. We get into the car. "Hey Mrs. Mellet." Connor says and buckles up. "Hello sweetheart how are you?" My mom asks sucking up to him. I know she will do that cause she doesn't want him to worry about me. Or him. Or anything else. She wants me to be happy that's all she wants so I will be happy with Connor if she just stays out of my life and stop worrying about my future. "I am decnet. I am glad exams are over though." Connor says. I nod and then lean my head back. I am not being to cleany am I. I don't want to scare Connor away. I would never think to break up with him. Maybe he needs more space. Stop thinking about that you need to realize that he needs you and you love him! You need to realize that he will never stop needing you even when he doesn't talk to you. "You okay?" Connor asks putting his head on my lap with his legs up on the seat. The seatbelt on his shoulder still. "Yeah I am okay." I say and then brush the hair back out of his face. "Don't lie to me." Connor whispers to me. I smile. "Baby really I am fine." I say and he nods. He kisses my hand a couple times. He plays with my other hand that is not playing with his hair. "Guys I have to stop at the grocery store. You guys want anything? Like to have over the week?" My mom asks. "Umm maybe some pasta, something unhealthy and whatever you like." I say and she nods. "Alright back in a bit." She says and hops out the door. The door closes and Connor looks at me. "What did your mom want to talk to you about?" Connor asks right away. "Just about how I should maybe break up with you. That you are dragging me down I guess. That you are distracting me from my school. Shit like that. None of it is true though." I say and he looks at me. "Well if I am just tell me and I will let you do things. I know I can be clingy sometimes. I don't want you to always baby me." Connor says. I put my finger to his lips. "Shhh no you don't I love you. I don't care what anyone says you are my baby. I love you too much to care about anything else." I say and he sighs. "That is what your mom is talking about Troye. I distract you way to much for you to focus on anything else." Connor says. I take his face and kiss it hard. I don't want him to talk anymore about this. I just need him to be quite so I can think. So I can make him feel loved. That is what I am here for. Not just love. For support and for caring for him. I love him and he knows that. "Can I talk now?" Connor asks when I pull away. "I will just keep kissing you." I say and he smiles. "Well Troye." Connor starts I lean in again and kiss him quite. "Troye let me." Connor says breaking the kiss. I lean in again. He breaks the kiss and sits up and puts his hands up. "Troye let me talk." Connor says I go in for another kiss but, his hands are there to stop me. I try and push against them. I hear Connor laugh a little. "Okay you better not say anything about our relationship or I will shut you up later." I say. He smiles. "Well maybe I should continue." Connor says and laughs. "Okay well anyways. I wanted to let you know. That no matter what I will love you. Through the thick and thin. I will always be there to catch you when you fall." Connor says I smile and then lean in for a kiss he stops me. "What else?" I ask groaning. "I would love for you to shut me up later." Connor whispers the last part. I smile and then lean in again. Pushing him up against the window. I grab his hands so he can't do anything. I kiss his neck lightly as he moans. "More will happen." I say and then kiss the front of his neck down to the other side. He moans out loudly. "Troye. Why are you do good at this?" Connor whimpers out. "Practice makes perfect and well I had time on you." I say and then look into his eyes. "Yeah true." Connor says I let go of his hands and he moves straight to my ass. I smile. "God I can't wait." I say as he smiles. I keep him against the window. We make out for a while. I bite his lip while he is still pinned. He opens his mouth a little and I slip my tongue in. I love him so fucking much. I never thought I would have gotten this attracted to someone in such a short ass time. 3 months and this is what has happened I am so attached to him. That I never want to say goodbye. Relationships go 2 ways. You either break up and never see each other again. Or you fall in love more and more and marry that person. I think I want to marry this boy. I love him with all my heart and marrying him will make me love him more. Sure we are only 17 but, a future with him is the best thing I could ask for. Having him as my husband I always thought it would be someone who wouldn't get what I was going through. Just thinking about how I used to bully this beautiful human. The one who is so carrying. The one who is super nice when he wants to be. Yet can be so scary whenever he needs to be. The one who can hold everything in to bursting out. Whenever he can. I know that is the way he is. I know that is the way I am, I love him for it. There is nothing else to describe him as beautiful and well matured for his age. We break the movement with a breath out. I sit back. "You okay?" Connor asks me. "Yeah just thinking about what I was before you." I say and he nods. He sits with his legs crossed ready to listen. "I am ready." He says. "For?" I ask confused. "To listen to what you have to say." Connor says. I smile a little. He is so adorable like how?

"I don't know how to describe it. I was corrupted Connor. I would bully you. Hit you. Make you hurt for what? For being popular. For years I thought it was the way to do it. Then months ago it hit me and I just thought it wasn't okay. But something was stopping me. That was him. Tyler. He stopped me from being nice." I start to say. "He stopped me from talking to you earlier. I could have been there sooner for you. I could have stuck up for you. Yet I hurt you I am sorry Connor I really am." I start to cry out. "Heyy shhhh. Troye. Listen to me. The time was right. I needed someone then. Not before. I needed someone when it happened. Troye don't live on those days. I know it's hard to forget but, when you do. Your life will be better." Connor says. I sigh. "Everytime I look at you. You are the person I used to hate? The person I wanted to hurt? The person who didn't deserve it. Every time I look into your eyes. Those are the eyes that would be hurt from these evil hands. I hit you. I hurt you." I cry out and then I know a tear falls. "I could have killed you. You could have killed yourself cause of me. Connor you could have done it. I would be the one that caused it. I am so sorry Connor. I love you so much now. That you are my life. I want a future with you. I want to forget about what happened but, I know every time I look at you. I will feel the same pain I did when I hit you." I say and he puts his finger on my lips. "Listen to me. Troye Sivan Mellet. I don't care about those days. I care about now. I care about these days. Sure I was hurting back then. But I have the best thing that has happened to me in front right here right now. Breathing and living. I am still here right? That is all that matters. I am putting it behind me. I want you to put it behind you when you can. Just think of all the happy things we will do. All the fun things. All the things that will happen in this week." Connor says. He always makes sure I am okay. He is always the one to make sure I am happy. He loves me and I know this. "Okay. I will try Connor. For you." I say and he nods. "Now listen to me. Remember what we get to do when we get home?" Connor asks. I smile and then he nods. "Yeah think of that." Connor says. I close my eyes and lean my head against the seat. Just think what will happen after this. Think of the good things. Think of things that will make you happy. Troye think of Connor. He makes you happy you know this. Just alway think about him.