Torn Between Two

Chapter 7

Connor

I can't fall for him.  Wait maybe you can. I thought you wanted me to stay away from him. I do but maybe he will be good for you.  No he isn't stop your making me hurt even more. Falling for him will ruin my life.  Tyler Oakley. Maybe they will accept you. Stop it. You tell me bad one time and then be nice to me. What is it nice or rude? Both Connor I'm the side of you now where I'm telling you to do things. No stop it get out of my head. Go back in there and start to work. I pretend to flush the toilet. I then wash my hands and look in the mirror.  God why would he even like me. I'm ugly. I walk back into the room. I sit on the bed. He looks at me. “You okay?” Troye asks me. Why does he care. “Yeah I'm fine.” I say and he nods. I can tell he doesn't believe me but I don't care. “Okay.” Troye says. He moves closer.  Why does he care for me. He is going to ruin his reputation. “Troye?” I ask and he looks at me in the eyes again. “Won't talking to me ruin your reputation?” I ask and he looks down. Then plays with his hands. “Umm I'm not really sure how to answer that.  I don't want to be mean to you anymore and I'm being completely honest. But at the same time. I can't lose my friends. They will hurt me too if I hang out with you. I don't need that. But I can still talk to you here if you want.” Troye says he doesn't  want to be mean to me that's new.  Troye looks at me then down at his phone.

“What did your message mean. When you said  It doesn't matter sorry for bugging you. I just…. Never mind.” Troye says. He looks at me and I gulp. “It's okay it doesn't matter.” I say and he touches my arm. I wince a little. I try not to show pain that's the last thing he needs to do. Find out I cut. He will think I'm weak.  He will hate me. This talking is nice. But not. “It does matter talk to me. I know it maybe be hard to trust me Connor but, I would never tell anything like that.” Troye says. Trust him. No don't.  Don't trust him. “Yeah. Well it's just my family got into a argument.” I say should I tell him the full thing. No I can't.  “Well let's just say they didn't want me to come. And I told them I am. And they can screw off. I didn't say the last part fully but I was about to.” I say to Troye. He looks at me. He sighs. “Family sucks.” Troye says and then he opens his mouth but the words won't come out. “Same thing with my parents. But they do something completely different and I'm not ready to talk about it.” Troye says. I nod.  “I completely understand what you mean it's okay.”I say knowing it's hard to talk about.  I let him be and don't push the subject. Troye lays down. He pats beside him. I lay down beside him scared of what he will do next. “I'm sorry for all the bullying that has happened to you. I don't want to do it anymore.” Troye says and turns to me. I turn to face him. “But what about Tyler?” I ask and he sighs. “I'll figure out a way to talk to him.” Troye says. I close my eyes.  “I really am sorry. I wish I was normal.” Troye says and he closes his eyes he starts to tear up. No don't cry. “Hey no don't cry it's okay.” I say and he looks at me. “You are normal. To me you are. You are just a boy who is hurting inside. Like me. Maybe that's why we click. I don't know if you want to be friends I would blame you but yes I would love to be friends.” I say and he opens his eyes. “You want to be friends with me? After all I did to you.” Troye says scared. “I can put it behind me like nothing happened.” I say and he looks at me. I put my hand up to his face and wipes his tears. “No one has been this nice to me in ages.” Troye says. “Your friends are not nice to you?” I ask worried for him. “No they tell me nothing is wrong with me. That I'm losing it. That I'm a whiny little piece of shit.” Troye says I touch his other side of the face and wipes the other tear.  Kiss him. Kiss him kiss him! No shut up he doesn't like me that way. Shut up!  “Your human and I won't ever say that to you Troye.” I say then think will he ever like me more. I want to kiss him so bad.  Like so bad. He will think I'm a freak. “I mean you are okay I guess.” Troye says to me. There is that kinda ‘bad side’

“Why do you do that?” I ask and look at him. He is taken back from what I just asked. “What?” He asks scared.  “Be all tough. Troye I bet I have seen more than any of your friends have.  I have seen you cry. I have seen you be scared.  With them your emotionless. You know that. We both do. You don't have to be a tough guy around me.” I say to him. He “I have to fake it though being like this.” Troye says. My eyes stings. Tyler hit me there. I look away from him. “Connor what's wrong.” Troye says I look down. He touches my face and looks closer.  “What did you do to your eye?” Troye asks me. “Umm I fell.” I say lying. “Bullshit.” Troye says. Kiss him. You want to he cares now. He wants to. You want to do it. I close my eyes. Do it please.  His lips are there.  Fucking do it. “Okay fine. Tyler hit me. But it's nothing new.” I say and look at him. “Oh I'm sorry.” Troye says. He rubs my eye slowly.  He looks into my eyes. His hand moves to my neck.  Do it please.  I'm begging you. Don't listen please. Troye looks at my lips then back to my eyes. He wants to kiss me? No he doesn't no he doesn't. Actions speak louder than words as I'm always told. I move closer little by little. I feel his breath on my skin. His hand moves slowly to the back of my neck. I lean in once more. His forehead against mine. Do it. You will love it. His nose touches mine. Fuck it! Fuck everything! I lean in. His lips touch mine. The warmth spreads through everything. I feel like I'm floating? Yeah floating. He applies more pressure and he slowly bites my lip. I need this forever Shut up Franta. You even touch Troye we kill you. No get out of my head Tyler. I don't even try anymore. Tyler get out of my head. You touch him we will kill you. I open my eyes and break apart quickly. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” I say holding my lips and my head. “What's wrong?” Troye asks coming closer to me. “No don't touch me.” I say backing away quickly. I start to freak out even more. “He will. They will hurt me. I did more than touch you.”  I say and pace even more. He pulls me into a hug. I freeze. “I won't let them.” Troye says to me. I put my head on his shoulder and breathe in and out. “I liked it.” Troye emits to me. Wait did he say he likes the kiss? No he can't. “No you can't you're not supposed to.” I say and he breaks the hug. He touches my face. “Why can't I?” Troye asks me. I close my eyes.  “Cause I like… I like girls.” I say lying through my own teeth. “Connor that was a lie. You're trying to force yourself into something you don't like. I was the same I came it's out one less thing to worry.” Troye says. He puts his forehead against mine. “Let's just say this never ever happened.” I say and he nods. “This is going to stay with me.” Troye says. He holds my waist. His breath on my lips. “This will stay with me as well.” I breathe out. What are you doing to us Troye. You're making me fall for you even more. Shut up and let me have this moment. Okay fine. Thank you. Troye slowly puts his hands on my neck and leans in for another kiss. Your secrets safe with us Troye.  What did I say. Okay sorry. Troye breaks the kiss and closes the door. He locks it. “In case my nosey ass sister has anything to do besides bug me.” Troye says. I smile. My face going red. “Don't be flustered by me Franta.” Troye says and taps my nose.  He grabs my hand and brings me to the bed. “Fuck school work.” Troye says tossing the book off the bed. “Let us enjoy what we have wanted for a while now.” Troye says I blush again. “You are super adorable Franta. SUPER.” Troye says and makes me lose my balance and fall onto the bed. What is he going to do? What will he do? Stop it. Stop worrying enjoy. His lips.  His eyes. His hands on you. You will have to forget this tomorrow. Okay you're right this time. Troye slowly lowers his body down on mine. Thank you Lord. Something right in my life. Is happening and this is it. He puts his hands on either side of me. He's so close to my lips. Kiss me. Yes kiss me. I want to yell and scream. I let him take the lead though. Don't ruin it. He moves his lips so close to mine. I lean up and kiss him. I need this and he can't stop me. I forget everything. He smiles into the kiss. I need this. I need this more than words can explain. He is my happy little pill. I feel happy. I feel like I'm happier already.  He bites my lip a little.  I love this more and more already. Even when he tells to forget I won't ever forget this moment ever. Ever.