Torn Between Two

Chapter 8

Troye

I tap my foot nervously on the ground as I wait for Connor. I've never been so anxious for someone to come out of the bathroom before. What is this kid trying to do to me? Eventually Connor walks back in, eyes red. "You okay?" I ask him nervously. "Yeah I'm fine," he replies quietly. I nod, knowing that he's lying, but I don't want to push. "Okay." I say.  I move closer to Connor, biting my lip."Troye?" Connor says, startling me. I look up. "Won't talking to me ruin your reputation?" I look down at my hands and twiddle my fingers. "I.. Um.. I'm not really sure how to answer that. I don't want to be mean to you anymore, and I'm being completely honest. But at the same time, I can't lose my friends. They will hurt me too if I hang out with you. I don't need that. But I can still talk to you here if you want," I blurt out eventually.

"What did your message mean? When you said, It doesn't matter sorry for bugging you. I just.... Never mind," I ask quietly. I look up at him, waiting. "It's okay it doesn't matter." I know that he's lying again, so I touch his arm. Something escapes his lips. I can't tell if it's a sob, or a wince. But I let it go. "It does matter, talk to me. I know it maybe be hard to trust me Connor but, I would never tell anything like that." I say."Yeah. Well it's just my family got into an argument." he says, frowning. I wait for him to continue, hopefully. "Well let's just say they didn't want me to come. And I told them I am. And they can screw off. I didn't say the last part fully but I was about to." I look at Connor and sigh. "Family sucks," I breathe out. I open my mouth to continue, but the words get stuck in my throat.

"Same thing with my parents. But they do something completely different and I'm not ready to talk about it," I blurt as Connor nods in reply. "I completely understand what you mean it's okay." I lie down and pat the spot beside me. Connor lies down next to me. "I'm sorry for all the bullying that has happened to you. I don't want to do it anymore." I says and Connor turns to me. Bitch. What did I tell you? He's not good for you. Shut up.  I turn to face him. "But what about Tyler?" he asks nervously.. "I'll figure out a way to talk to him," I say and sigh.

I swallow, my bottled up feelings coming out. "I really am sorry. I wish I was normal," I say and close my eyes. The tears that welled up before start to spill. Tyler and Zoe are right. You're a whiny little shit. "Hey no don't cry it's okay," Connor soothes. I turn to look at him. "You are normal. To me you are. You are just a boy who is hurting inside. Like me. Maybe that's why we click. I don't know if you want to be friends. I wouldn't blame you, but yes I would love to be friends." He says and I open my eyes. Don't. Look at yourself. Look what he's done to you. "You want to be friends with me? After all I did to you?" I ask, biting my lip. "I can put it behind me like nothing happened," Connor says gently. He puts his hand up to my face and wipes away my tears.

I hesitate, "No one has been this nice to me in ages."
"Your friends are not nice to you?" he asks. "No. They tell me nothing is wrong with me. That I'm losing it. That I'm a whiny little piece of shit," I admit, tears welling up in my eyes again. He wipes the other side of my eye.

"Your human and I won't ever say that to you Troye." How sweet. I gulp, "I mean you are okay I guess."

"Why do you do that?" Connor asks suddenly. "What?" I reply, taken back. "Be all tough. Troye, I bet I have seen more than any of your friends have.  I have seen you cry. I have seen you be scared.  With them your emotionless. You know that. We both do. You don't have to be a tough guy around me."

"I have to fake it though. Being like this," I reply softly. Connor turns away. "Connor what's wrong?" I ask, concerned. Why do you care? He's not your friend. I lean in and touch his face gently.  "What did you do to your eye?" I ask. "Umm I fell," Connor replies, but the lie is obvious.. "Bullshit," I say. Connor closes his eyes, "Okay fine. Tyler hit me. But it's nothing new." he says and turns to look at me.. "Oh I'm sorry," I force out, rubbing his eye. I stare into his eyes. Beautiful emerald green. I bite my lip and move my hand to his neck. I look down at his lips slowly and back up to his stunning eyes.

Connor inches closer to me. I can tell that he's flustered by me. I move his hand to the back of his neck as he leans in. Our foreheads touch before our noses do. Do you really want this? I do. Then Connor leans in and I have no choice but to lean in with him. The heat of his lips feel like a volcano erupting for the first time. His hand cold against me. I need more. This is a crave. I lean into him more. Making sure to keep our lips touching. I need this to last forever. I feel his lips become weak and he pulls away so fast I can't stop him.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Connor says holding his lips and his head. "What's wrong?" I ask worried coming closer to Connor.  "No don't touch me." Connor says backing away quickly from my touch. I start to freak out even more. "He will. They will hurt me. I did more than touch you."  Connor says and pace even more I do more than let him think this. I pull him into a hug . Connor's arms limp at my side. "I won't let them." I say quietly to Connor. Connor's head slowly leans onto my shoulder and breathe in and out. "I liked it." I say truthfully. I liked it too! Shut up let me be. "No you can't you're not supposed to." Connor say and he breaks the hug. I touch his face. "Why can't I?" I asks. Connor closes his eyes thinking for a minute.  "Cause I like... I like girls." Connor says lying through his teeth. "Connor that was a lie. You're trying to force yourself into something you don't like. I was the same I came out one less thing to worry." I say. Coming out was a big step and a big worry off my shoulder. I put my forehead against Connor's forehead "Let's just say this never ever happened." Connor says and I nod. "This is going to stay with me." I says nothing will ever come out of me. They will have to beat me to get this out of me. Even then I still wouldn't.  Not to risk Connor's life. I holds Connors waist. My breath on his lips.I feel the heat of his breath slowly make me want to kiss him more. "This will stay with me as well." Connor says breathing out the heat of his breath against mine like the ending air of the volcano  erupting. The light steam off the rocks and everywhere in the air. This is a new beginning.

I slowly put my hands on Connor's warm neck and leans in for another kiss. I break the kiss and closes the door. I make sure its locked. "In case my nosey ass sister has anything to do besides bug me." I say. Connor smiles his smile is so cute. Connor's face going red. "Don't be flustered by me Franta." I say and tap Connor's nose in a cute gesture.  I grab his hand and bring him to the bed. "Fuck school work." I say tossing the book off the bed. I don't want to do any school work while I have him here  "Let us enjoy what we have wanted for a while now." I says Connor blushes again. "You are super adorable Franta. SUPER." I say I slowly move closer to Connor to make him lose his balance and he falls onto the bed. Connor looks scared. He shouldn't be scared. I'm never going to hurt him again. I slowly lower my body down on Connor. My weight not crushing him all the way. Something happy in my life is happening and I don't want anything to ruin it sure it sounds selfish but, at this moment I don't care. I put my hands on either side of Connor so close to his lips. Connor doesn't seem like he knows how to approach me so I take the lead. The breathing of his lips sends shivers down my back. The heat of it all makes me want to be like this forever. You shouldn't be doing this, he is bad for you, you know this you just choose to kiss him instead. What if Tyler finds out? What if Zoe finds out? What will happen then? Your reputation is on the damn line Troye! LET ME BE!  Connor leans up and kisses me. I'm taken by surprise but, I close my eyes and enjoy this. We both need this and Tyler or Zoe can't stop me. I forget everything. I smile into the kiss. This is what I have been searching for, not just Connor but his presents.  He is like my pill, my happy little pill. He is my pill. I feel happy. I feel like I'm happier already.  I bite my lip a little to show him not to let go.  I love this more and more already. Even though I will have to forget tomorrow  when he tells to forget I won't ever forget this moment ever. Ever.