Torn Between Two

Chapter 23

Connor 

As Troye sits beside me I want to tell him everything about my dad hitting me. When he isn't drunk then he is at work, same with my mom. I think she cares more for me than my dad. If I died he wouldn't give a shit. At all. "Troye?" I ask needing to get the thoughts out of my head. I need him to distract me. "Can you talk to me about something anything." I say and he looks into the distance. "Yeah what is your favorite season?" Troye asks I think for a minute. "Probably fall, when all the leaves change colour, and when the leaves slowly fall." I say and then I spring up. "Troye I take photos." I say and he turns to me. "Like everyone does or like you mean something else?" Troye asks. I take his hand. "I feel like I want to become a photographer when I am older I don't know." I say and then look down. "I'll support you on anything you do." Troye says and hugs me tight. "When I go back inside I can show you some if you want. You don't have to see them." I say and he shakes his head. "You would be crazy if I didn't want to see them." Troye says. I hear our names being called. "Troye, Connor?" My sister's voice coming around the corner. Troye moves away from me, and let's go of my hand. "What?" I yell back at her. "Mom wants to talk to you." Nic says. "Is dad there?" I ask and she looks down. "Then I am not coming." I say and Troye looks at me. "Come on. I will be right there." Troye whispers to me. "Fine we will be there in a minute." I say and she nods. She walks away slowly. I then stand up and Troye does. I go for a hug a tight one. "If he even mentions about Gay or whatever. I am done. I will fucking leave." I say into his chest. He puts his hand on the back of my head and rocks me back and forth. "That's okay." Troye says. He tilts my head up to look at him. "I will be there." Troye says to me. I take his face and lean in for a kiss. The heat of the kiss makes my confidence go up. We break the kiss and I slowly walk into the house. "Connor." My mom says. "Umm excuse us Troye." My mom says. I stop. "He stays!" I yell at her. "Connor I don't know." My mom starts. "He fucking stays or I will leave!" I yell and she nods. "Alright." My mom says. I sit on the one chair. Troye sitting on the other one beside me. "Well?" I ask not really caring. "We wanted to talk to you about things." My mom says. I look at Troye he has the right to know. "About his fucking drinking problem? His fucking problem with gay people? His fucking problem with me???" I yell and Troye puts his hand on my knee. "Con breathe." He says I take a breath in and then out. "Everything." My mom says. I look at him. His eyes staring at me. Making me feel every little. I sink down in my chair a little bit. "Well let him talk for a minute." My mom says. He stands up and walks towards me. "Don't come near me!" I yell at him. Standing up and taking a step back. Troye stands up as well. Half in front of me, half not. "If you come on more step I am leaving this house." I threaten. My mom doesn't speak. "Connor I can't help not drinking, it's something I like to do. It's something that is very addicting. I don't know why it is but, it is and I don't know what I am doing when I am really drunk, I don't remember anything. Second of all, it's not that I hate gays, it's just I don't like the fact that guys fuck each other? I don't hate you. You just make me angry sometimes." He says and steps back. I stand still.

"First of all dad or should I even call you that anymore. Drinking and fucking not remembering you tell me I need help! You need help! Okay a lot of help if you." I start to say. Just say it please I don't care anymore. "Continue." My dad says. "Fine you want me to continue then let's go!" I yell and walk forward. "FIrst of all you need fucking help! IF YOU ARE BEATING YOUR OWN GOD DAMN SON FOR WHAT? NOTHING THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. OKAY I HATE YOU! You need to accept gays because you know what!" I start to say Troye grabs my hand. Then I just start to go I could care less. "You know why! Because maybe your own son is fucking GAY!" I yell then the it just comes out. "I make you angry! I just stay in my room and want to not be here anymore the only person who gives a shit about me is Troye! He is my fucking boyfriend!" I yell and I feel the tears rolling down my face. I take a breath in. "If you don't accept me for who I am then whatever! I won't be your son anymore! I am tired of this!" I yell and I start to back up slowly. I stop to get a response from him my 'father'. "I didn't raise a my own son to be gay!" My father yells at me and moves closer to me. Troye steps in front of him. "You touch him and I'll call the cops." Troye says. He moves closer to him. "Shut up go back to butt fucking." My dad says. I step up to him. "I hate you! I hate you! SO FUCKING MUCH! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I yell and push him back .Troye grabs my hand and brings me back. "I fucking hate you!"I yell at him. I hate him I can't handle this anymore. "Connor." My mom starts to call me. I just look into his eyes. The father that is supposed to love me. "One more question!" I yell at him. Troye holding my hand tight. "What?" He asks angry. "Do you love me anymore? Like you used to when I was younger?" I yell at him. I let go of Troye's hand. "Say it to my face!" I yell to him. He looks away. I push him back again. "DO YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?" I yell and he doesn't look at me. "FUCKING LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU TALK TO ME AND TELL ME THIS!" I yell at him he looks into my eyes. "DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH?" He yells at me. "YES!" I say and he looks me right in the eye. "FINE CONNOR I DON'T WANT A SON WHO LOVES GUYS! I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!" He yells at me. "That's what I thought." I mumble out. I turn away to walk away and a hand touches my shoulder. Troye grabs me and pulls me away quickly. "Don't ever talk to me again! Don't ever hit me again! If you do I will call the cops! If you even touch any of my family you are going to jail! You fucking hear me Peter! Do you hear me!" I yell and put my finger up to him. "Fuck you!" He yells and I just feel my voice crack. I hate him! I hate my life! I start to walk out the door. I need to go! I have to leave this fucking place! I can't come back. I need to live somewhere else. "Connor." Troye says chasing after me. I just keep walking. I don't listen to him calling me. Just need to fucking die! Need to die! The tears keep coming down my face. "Connor baby!" Troye calls out. I just keep walking then I stop. The driveway and then a road. I look at the cars driving by. One step in front of them and I will die. I can do it! Then I hear another call. "Con please." Troye calls. I have to live if it's not for me it's for him. I wish it was simple. If he never came into my life I would have stepped on that road and did it. It would be so simple. I turn around. Troye walking towards me. The cold air hitting my eyes and I close them for a second. Then I run towards him. I don't even care anymore. I need to forget. I run into his arms and jump on him latching myself to his hips with my feet. My head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me. "I HATE HIM!" I yell into his shirt. "I HATE HIM. I FUCKING HATE HIM!" I yell grabbing his shirt tight. "I want to fucking die." I cry into his shirt. He closes the gap between us. I need to leave. "I can't live here anymore. He will hurt me. He will beat me! He will hurt you, he will hurt my family. He wouldn't care if I fucking died or not Troye!" I cry breathing fast. My chest burning. He slowly leans down and sits on the ground. Still gripping to him my head and my face as far as it can get with the cloth. His skin against mine. "Con." He says. I shake my head. "I don't want to live anymore." I cry out. Not able to breathe. I start to cough hard and breathes are short. "Connor look at me." Troye says and I lean my head up to look at him. He holds my back. Rubbing it. "Follow my breathing okay?" He asks and I look at his lips. He breathes slowly. I watch his lips slowly as they open and close. I follow every breath. I then sigh and close my eyes. I put my forehead on his. I need to live just for him. "Connor I have wanted to tell you something for a while now." Troye says to me. I open my eyes and look into the endless ocean staring at me. I search for answers but, something is telling me he isn't just a normal kid anymore.