Torn Between Two

Chapter 61

Troye

I mean I don't remember what I did last I know I kissed Tyler. I didn't mean it. One thing I know is that he was there and then in my lips. It's almost time. I walk out slowly trying not to fall over. My sister beside me. I tap my foot and then she turns to me. "What?" I ask her rudely. "You broke him you know. You hurt him badly. He was more drunk than you. I am suprised that he is even alive right now with all that achohol in his system." Sage says and then looks at me. I look at the ground. "Yeah but, he kissed fucking Jamie and I forgave him." I say and she just shakes her head. "Troye you don't get it do you. You two were in mad love. No one can give you what he has given you. He gave you happiness. Love and support through anything. He wants to keep this going but, when you do this it doesn't help." Sage starts I want to say something but nothing comes out. Nothing does. "Troye you did eveything with him. You did everything. You had your first love kiss with him. You lost you fucking virginity with him okay. You fucking did everything and anything with him and how look you two no longer together it's a shame that relationship I was and still am jealous. You fucked up Troye and this time it was bad. Really bad." Sage says and then our mom pulls up. I sigh and get in. I know I fucked up. I get in and slam the door. My mom looking at me. "Don't fucking say it." I say and then look down. I hate this. I hate myself. I pick at my skin the whole way home. I look at the outdoors and start to cry harder and harder. I lost Connor I lost my love. My life. My heart. I hate myself.

For a while I silently cry and then I feel my breathing get short and then I know I am crying full on like a baby. I can't and won't be able to live anymore. I need Connor back. I really do need Connor back with me. We make it home and I get out not talking to any. I walk right up to my room. Hoping he isn't in my room I open the door and see that he is not there. I sigh and fall on the bed and hold the pillow close to me. His pillow in my face. I just cry into the pillow until I feel dark invade me.

"Fuck." I say waking up fast to see the light shinning in my face. The pillow still gripped to me for dear life. I stand up feeling dizzy and I walk out my door to downstairs. Maybe Connor left already. I hope not. I walk down the stairs slowly and carefully. I walk into the kitchen and sigh. I see him with his head down on the table.  Sage looks at me and then nods her head. I sit down next to him. His hand there. I put my hand on his.  "Don't fucking touch me." Connor says. I look at him and move my hand. "If you think you can fucking come here and then touch me after you touched... touched him then you are fucking stupid!" Connor says standing up. "Connor I told you I was sorry." I say and he laughs a little. "Yeah I heard that before. Doesn't change anything." Connor says. "You kissed Jamie." I say and he stops. "I didn't fucking kiss him, he came onto me. I didn't fucking do shit. The thing about you is if I didn't come before I did you would have fucked him!" Connor yells and turns to walk away. "Connor I have no one to hold and talk to. If you lose me I don't know what I would do with my life. Your my everything and if I lose you then I will lose myself.  Connor I have no one to talk to at school I have nothing." I say and then I move to go closer to him. "You know what Troye you should have thought of that before you kissed Tyler. Okay. Good fucking bye Mellet!" Connor says and pushes me back. I stumble and I hear the door slam. I then fall to the floor with tears down my eyes. "He left." I cry out.  My family by my side. "I'll try and talk to him." My sister says and runs out the door. I hear yelling and screaming. "I lost him mommy. I can't.  I hate myself.  I don't want to to back to the hospital. I am honestly thinking that's where I am headed." I say and she holds me tight.  "Troye things will get better between you two.  Just give it some time. I know it's hard but, your relationship will come back soon enough." My mom says and then I hear some footsteps coming towards the door. My head looks up and waits.   My sister sighs. "He is gone." She says. I then burst into tears. "He left me." I cry out more and more. I won't have anything left to live for.