A Glimpse at my Emotions

[ANGER]

2017-05-01, 6:03 pm

Someone had better be able to tell me what majority of the internet has been claimed as garbage.

I'm not here to solely glorify the Internet. I found it a good way to meet all of you and just have fun, be myself as a writer on many different levels and myself just as a person.

Seems like someone had to think differently. And because of that, she had, once again, threatened me to stop writing Author Games. She had, once again, threatened me to get off the goddamn internet cluttered with shit and focus on the real world.

I GET THAT I'M BREAKING, AND MY ENTIRE LIFE IS SPIRALLING INTO A BLACK HOLE. I GET IT. BUT CAN'T YOU ADDRESS IT FOR ONCE? CAN'T YOU SER THE WAY YOU CAN HEAL THE BROKEN SOUL IN FRONT OF YOU INSTEAD OF CONTINUALLY BASH UPON IT UNTIL IT GETS REDUCED TO SOMETHING EVEN FINER THAN DUST?

Like...why? Why did she have to make me feel like I have been so degraded when all I'm trying to do is look out for the goodness and safety of others in this already broken family? It's already enough that my parents are fighting and screaming--did she have to do the same with me?

A good reason for me to feel like shit: because she makes me feel like shit. I'm just going to put that out there.

And if it's shit she sees, it would be shit she'd get in return, because I'm tired of having to see her come up with all this crap that makes me feel like I'm not worth anything anymore.

I don't even think I have worth even here anymore. What's the point of staying here when all I feel like I'm getting as of late is sheer ridicule?

Everywhere I go, I'd feel alienated. Everywhere I go, I'd feel small, weak, powerless, and just...I don't know...

I never believed the Internet was shitty in itself. It has some good things, and some bad things...but the thing is, I trust all of you. And I wouldn't be the type of person to roast on another or anything. I've always been the person to back up the people I care about, because hey, I care for all of you. And I enjoy writing. I enjoy competing. I really, really want to get better at writing.

GUESS WHO DECIDED TO ROAST ON THAT DESIRE THAT I HAD SINCE I WAS 11.

I'M ALREADY AS BROKEN AS I CAN BE. WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO DO TO REINFORCE THAT?

AAAARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH...