A Glimpse at my Emotions

panic attacks!

2019-08-21, 9:17 PM

"Oh look, she's back, after 2 months of doing nothing but binge-writing Hogwarts Mystery fanfics to no end!"

Yeah well...the binge-writing was all for a good reason, and that was to evade the situation at home. Yes, I'm still doing that.

But today everything's crumbling to dust. And right now, I'm not feeling okay.

It wasn't even supposed to start off with me, you see. My sister was the one who was mostly affected by my mother today, unless you count the fact that she was yelling at me for misplacing a very important document and then reverting to the whole "you wasted your time at university, you're still so immature, nothing like a big girl" mantra that made me want to scream and faint. Literally my heart was pounding and my head felt light and I was just this close to crumpling on the floor and crying. But either way I figured that the longer I stayed here, the worse everything's getting. Yelling, screaming, always at us. Even if this isn't happening in front of colleagues, they have no right to go ahead and spit negative things at us.

The only reason I'm writing this, though, is that recently my sister tried to pull an extreme stunt. I won't say what it is--you might be able to figure it out--but either way it resulted in another fight. I emailed only one friend about this situation because I trust her the most (even if we don't talk a lot here anymore than we used to), but just to sum it up for the rest of you, I'm scared as hell. Every damn day I wake up to hear something or other from my mother that relates to our inabilities to grow the eff up, and it's just really putting me down.

Why can't they just nurture us instead of beat us up like this?