A Glimpse at my Emotions

honestly can't even right now

2017-10-01, 11:49 AM

I should have known that coming home was a mistake.

Right now my mother and I are again at complete--I mean no. We're not even trying to understand each other. Or rather, she's not trying to understand me.

The only reason I came home was just so I could catch up with my family and also start picking up my part-time job again. Apart from that, I also have things to catch up on like my Heathers Group on Smule and articles for my Sociology of Law class. I would admit that I have been putting my noise-cancelling headphones in so I could focus, but did that really mean that I've been withdrawn from the rest of my family?

I mean I don't even understand what my mother's intentions are. Like, what was she most looking forward to out of my visit home? She never told me. And I can't even do anything if she didn't tell me what she wanted.

So I didn't see a crime in listening to music while working because music keeps me sane.

I didn't see a crime in going out for hours on end outside. 

She saw a problem with it, though. And right now because of a small little misunderstanding in which she said "SO YOU'RE REALLY DISINTERESTED IN EVERYTHING OUR FAMILY DOES, HUH? YOU'RE THE ONE BEING MUCH MORE DISCONNECTED FROM THE FAMILY THAN YOUR OWN FATHER WHO JUST SAUNTERED OFF TO CHINA WITHOUT TELLING ANY OF US WHEN HE'D BE LEAVING!" I honestly just had it.

I responded, "THE ONLY REASON I'M EVEN HERE IS JUST BECAUSE OF MY PART-TIME JOB! THAT'S IT! NOTHING MORE!"

If she could just at least see that she's making me upset, she would have apologized by now! But no! Instead she decided to fire back the fact that I am the one making HER upset, and that I should be the one apologizing to her, not the other way around!

And then she went on like, "seriously, you act as though you're still alone on campus! What's the difference between you being on campus listening to music and you being at home listening to music ignoring the lot of us?"

Just now she just said that I'm not even anywhere close to being human.

I've been human enough for however long I've lived now, thank you very much. And knowing that she would never apologize to me at times when she had upset me makes me seriously want to blow.

I just don't understand why she has to be like this.