A Glimpse at my Emotions

*cries*

2017-10-14, 2017, 5:54 PM

So last night I was having a Snapchat exchange with C, and all was going well--we were just talking about stuff while I was trying to finish my Author Games entry for Murder and Margaritas, task 1--and then I remembered, I had to tell him about my possible placement in Shanghai, so I told him. I might as well clear the air now instead of leading him on until the last minute. The reaction I got? I don't know what to make of it.

"Are you sure you're willing to go all the way there for four months?"

What is he even trying to suggest?

I replied to his snap with an explanation, but he didn't reply to it. Honestly, I think he's mad that I'm throwing away everything we could have had for a placement halfway across the world. And for four months, too! Anything could happen in four months.

See, this was why I wasn't sure about dating him seriously. I didn't want something to happen that would inevitably break us and everything we could have had. Maybe he wanted something with me, but what about me? I've been so used to being alone that imagining something with him frightens me. Or anyone, for that matter. I can't imagine being tied so soon to someone else.

And I don't even think he wants to talk to me.

I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking this, but...what if this really is the end for the both of us?

update at 9:56 PM

I talked it through with him. And he promised to stay by my side through it all--from interview to everything that's going on in my life.

I don't know how I ended up with such a sweet guy like him.