A Glimpse at my Emotions

So...where have I been?

2018-03-01, 11:32 PM

I'm not sure if anyone even reads these anymore. But where have I been this entire time? Why was my activity on Wattpad so limited? What could possibly happen to me until the end of April when I return to Canada?

Those are very good questions.

As you can obviously tell, I'm not dead. In fact, I'm still very much alive. Though I'll say this--there has been so much on my mind lately that it almost broke my relationship with Mathieu apart. And there has been so much I had to do over the last few days, it was insane. The last 2 days at work literally kept me on my feet and I was running about doing "errands" of a sort (well, not really, but when you're locating designer handbags to package and deliver and they're scattered all over the place on various shelves all over the store...) and also had a few things to do on Sing! Smule as well. For those of you who don't know, I'm on Smule and I sing a lot. I'm not even joking. And I also direct groups there too so there's that.

I haven't been on Wattpad much because of connectivity problems and also the lack of motivation. I've only been on here to write a Harry Potter short thing but besides that, nothing else has been happening here. I never have the time to roleplay (or even the dexterity...I mean, I can never not make a typo on my phone keyboard), or even write anything anymore. Even if I did, it would be something like this. Something no one would notice.

So what's going to happen when I return to Canada in April?

Obviously I have school to worry about. I return to school from May to August and then some more stuff happens during the summer. I'll be hanging out quite a bit with Mathieu and my friends as well--we all have a lot of catching up to do since I've been out of the country for so long. I doubt I'll be able to manage a roleplay so I'm going to cut the Selection RP I had in mind, and maybe just turn that idea into an original story that I'll post on my other account. The Author Games are still going to run though. I don't know if that idea has been done and I really want to see it all come to life! Besides that, I have to update The Salem Games (whoops) and also Popularity's Victim whenever I can. It won't be anytime soon but yeah. I have so much to worry about.

This is where my major issue comes in. I mean, who wouldn't worry? I'm almost freaking graduating soon and I don't even know what to do in the future. I might plan on taking a year off to travel or volunteer and then go do my master's degree in something? I don't even know if I'll still be staying with my family or stay with Mathieu either. And then there was the whole "does Mat even love me?" thing that got me stressed out too. I didn't want to end up being a burden to him.

There's just so much that I think about and worry about and it's not healthy. But what if none of these questions ever come to rest? What if I never find an end? What if my life turns into one huge question mark?

I really need help getting through this. I don't know what to do.