A Glimpse at my Emotions

comfort

2017-11-25, 7:43 AM

I'm practically breaking my own pledge right now. I practically "did the impossible" and went back on Tinder just to try and move on from C. 

Need I say, I did find someone who would actually do anything to make me feel better. To make me feel like I deserve someone better than C. I don't know what made me do it--I started off so defensive--but eventually I opened up to him. Somehow, I told him everything that ever happened to me. I told him about how I was almost sexually assaulted, I told him of the thing I thought C and I had, and the entire time I believed his sincerity on the other end of the line, telling me how much he just wanted to hold me until I felt better.

I'll call him J, then. His name starts with J, anyway--and it's better than just stating his real name, if I have to be fair. I don't want to give his identity away so soon.

Anyway. It's strange how we only just met over the app, and yet I feel like running a thousand miles (okay, he doesn't live that far away but it still seems far from where I am) just to give him a hug. To throw my arms around him and thank him for everything, all while comforting him for the losses he had been through himself. He lost his girlfriend 2 years ago to a car accident, which he claimed to have moved on from...but he told me it's been hard to trust girls and let them in his life. Something about me, he said, was different. 

And the strangest thing is, every time he called me "sweetheart" or "cutie" or "baby" or just "hunn", I didn't mind it in the slightest. Well, maybe a little, but I was too swept in the comfort to even berate him on that.

He promised to take things slow with me. To wait until I felt comfortable with him. And it's only been a few moments but he already said he liked me.

I barely know this guy, and yet I just want to hold him tight and never let go. Is this strange?

I hope not.

Either way, he's coming over this afternoon to see me for a bit. And the funny thing is--yeah, I know I say it a lot, but really--the funny thing is, whenever he suggested cuddling and just sleeping with me or anything of that sort, I could actually picture it. I could imagine us actually being together, hanging out together, joking around and laughing around like a cliche couple and even going to Disney World together.

(*cough cough*)

(I'll be honest, if the guy doesn't like Disney I'd have said bye bye right then and there. I was disappointed C never really acknowledged anything about a Disney film in the time we were together.)

And I was surprised at how quickly he broke his defenses. If he's so willing to see me as an actual person who just wants to find someone honest and sincere and patient and understanding of me and everything about me, then maybe I'll let him in my life too. I'm willing to open up to him and let him in my life in return.

I just hope that it wouldn't come with a cost that would make me lose him forever.