A Glimpse at my Emotions

[ANGER]

2017-06-04, 12:34 PM

Accused. Of lying. Again.

It sucks already that my freaking conscience told me to hide behind distractions to distance myself from hearing my family scream. How dare they even try to bring me back again into reality. And now as a result they blame me for everything.

So she had to yell at me to get the hell up this morning after I was recuperating from a headache last night? She had to relay a freaking sad story over and over this morning? And she had to ban me from eating ever again? Is that it?

I hate this. I hate the fact that I'm constantly being ignored to the point where all they care about is my sister and when it came to me they literally slam their doors and turn cold shoulders against me. Like, hello, I am a person with feelings too! I have reasons for acting the way I did. And the sad thing is, they don't get it.

If it makes things worse, Wattpad is blocked on my laptop again. And all they want me to focus on is the textbook I never want to read again, and the course that I want to take in peace. Alone.

Talk about freaking interruptions. They were the ones interrupting the fact that I don't want anything to do with their violence and their consistent yelling and indifference towards me. And to think that days ago my mom was the one who was condescending me for my "ugly" body image!

I am not a freaking poster child, much less even a model! If I have to hear the fact that my body is comprised of nothing but body fat and the embarrassment they went through to get me jeans that are a size 10 (and I normally wear from size 6 to 8), I would scream. Literally.

I hate people having to raise their voices against me. Worse, I hate it when my mom does not even understand a single freaking word I say and ends up pushing me away. And the same with my dad too! I hate it when all they care about is staying away from me solely because of how I've changed, and in a so-called negative way too.

They just never ask me what I'm going through. I feel that all they care about is other people sympathizing with their sob stories when I was never given the chance to share mine. It's hard to explain if I try to since I practically stutter every time, but still. When can they stop treating me like I'm some monster?

It's practically because of them that I'm taking a permanent break from both Author Games AND roleplaying. Yes, you heard it from me first. I am no longer going to roleplay and I don't know how long this break would last. It's already enough that I've given them up because of their constant disapproval and speeches that end up giving me searing headaches (mostly the reason why I hated Rui's last entry so much and resent it and recognize how stupid the mere thought of him making the finals was now that I revisit the moment). I never have time to write something super amazing lately, let alone even come up with good roleplay responses without being interrupted, so that was why I mostly started The Salem Games. The story, I mean. But even so I'm constantly stared down upon for everything. They seem to disapprove of me doing all this apart from spending time with family. But the problem is, they have never had a heart-to-heart talk with me, as parents. That should have been their job, not constantly judging their children and talking shit about us.

Go on, let them have all their fun. I was never in the picture anyway.