A Glimpse at my Emotions

twice wounded, thrice strengthened

2017-12-01, 12:30 AM

J and I are over. He broke all his promises to me--he promised he wouldn't be like C, and yet there he went, suddenly blocking me on all social media without warning. And I have no choice but to accept that he doesn't love me in the way that I thought he did.

He said he loved me, and now it all crumbled away. I loved him with every particle of me and now it was all gone.

Was he playing me? I wished he didn't. 

We were fine before. He was open, he was honest, and he made me feel safe. He made so many promises not to be like C and accept me for me, love me for me. And now it all feels so, so sudden. The cutting of ties, the ignorance. The mere breaking of promises was enough to break my heart.

I just don't see what's wrong with being concerned for someone who you can't help but grow close to, you know? It just becomes second nature to see what someone is up to, just drop a line and say hey just to show that you've been thinking of them. 

But I'm not going to mope over my loss. I mean, I know I can't. After every rejection from high school till now, all I learned is that I can never deal with love. Romance and I don't ever mix. 

People are telling me not to give up on love. But this time, I truly am. I was close to when C stopped picking up my calls. Now I am, when J refused to answer my messages.

Right now, academics are the main focus. Argue with me if you wish, but if either C or J try to even get close to me once more, I will not hesitate to rebuff them. 

I will not let love slap me again like this. It has wounded me far too many times. This time, I've had enough.

If I am to die, I will at least die a brave, strong, single woman. I will not let a man wound me again. I refuse to.