A Glimpse at my Emotions

it found me

2017-12-05, 10:56 AM

Third time is hopefully the charm.

I know, I know. I wrote that I was done with love and that I wouldn't even seek for it anymore.

But this time, it found me. And it hit me hard like a ton of bricks this time.

The day after J called it quits with me (I would be lucky that I was able to collect myself together in time for the orchestra concert I had that night, otherwise I would have completely broken down and call me performing with the orchestra quits), I found myself back on Tinder talking with another boy. Yup, I was matched with him and he began to talk with me.

I told him what happened, and I tried to distance myself from even remotely thinking about falling in love again. I really did. I gave him a chance at friendship, and we eventually exchanged numbers and began to text each other. Then later that night, he told me he felt different. He felt something he had never felt for any woman before.

Knowing that we had both been through horrible relationships, I kinda knew better than to question him, but I wasn't sure. And then it hit me when I realized what it meant--probably in the same way it hit him. He saw me for me. For the first time, a guy saw me for who I actually am. A musician, a student, a nice girl, just someone who genuinely cares about others and accepts them despite their differences. 

Okay, those first few things weren't too important, but he's a passionate hockey player, and he also volunteers for baseball as well in the summer. He does a lot of helping out and his efforts to help the community was what really touched my heart. But what really mattered to me then was his will to keep me safe--to promise me an actual good time, different from what C and J had done to me. 

He called me his angel, with an angelic voice, a beautiful soul, and an ability to light up the world with a simple good morning text.

That was when I melted. I realized that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him, and if I had the chance to, I would just hold onto him, hug him close to me, and never let go. I wouldn't hesitate to kiss him with every ounce of love I feel for him. I would stay by his side through every moment, through thick and thin, and vow to love him no matter what comes our way.

We confessed the next day, and became boyfriend and girlfriend right then and there. And we're going to be seeing each other for the first time, for our very first date.

A simple breakfast and a walk around the park and a Disney movie and helping out with studying for my finals and maybe even lunch doesn't sound like much, but to me, it sounds like a lot. And I'm just so, so happy that this is how we'd spend our first date together--doing something we both like to do, while thinking ahead to what still lies in our future. We could go travelling the world together someday. We could see classical music concerts, or baseball games, or hockey games together. We could play music together, or just goof around together, see sights, cuddle...we could do anything.

I could do anything as long as he's with me.

I love him. I love him so much. At the time when I really was about to give up, he was there to save me.

And now that it found me, there was no way I would ever let it go.

Oh, his name?

I'm calling him M.