A Glimpse at my Emotions

the lonely lass

2018-10-01, 9:18 AM

I would never forget this day for the world. This was the day in which my first kiss was stolen from me by a guy who I soon realized I could not stand being with. C had forever robbed me of my innocence; while I fell so foolishly in innocent love, I was certain he wanted to use me for his sexual desires. Not gonna lie, now that I look back on it I feel ashamed of myself.

It's funny how dating apps could twist your perception on love. I never wanted to rely on one for romance, but I did--just to get out of my comfort zone, and try things out. I used to think that a prince charming would arrive, but sadly, all the boys on Tinder that I met were dicks.

Literal dicks.

My dumb mind spiralling in what I thought was a whirlwind romance eventually came to a halt in March--six months after the initial first date. And let me be honest, the more that I think back on those experiences, the less I want to find someone anymore, or let someone find their way into my heart. The more I see my parents and the way they can't get along, the less I want to even start a family that would consist of me and my potentially future husband facing different directions all the time.

It disgusts me. And honestly, the farther I stay away from boys, the better.

Except...there was this one guy. We only got to know each other because we both taught at the same school on Saturdays for English--he dealt with grades 3 and 4, me grades 1 and 2. On occasion we'd pick up a chat after class ended, and need I say, something about him really grabbed my attention.

He's different. We only know each other on a friend level, but there's something very different about him.

I'm not gonna believe in that just yet, but just revel in the fact that we have a pretty solid friendship right from the get-go--and for me, that's what matters. I mean, potential romance? Not sure. I don't want anything to be ruined any further.

But anyway. Enough about my lonely lass moments. I might as well get back to work before someone catches me--although that likely won't happen because everyone's either sick or someplace else.

So yeah.

I'll just...leave this here. Food for thought, we'll call it.

But seriously, bottom line: I don't want to date, or get married, or anything.

Maybe not yet.

~glxssheart-