A Glimpse at my Emotions

i'm not ready for this!

2019-04-03, 3:19 PM

Today's the day of my faculty send off. The Faculty of Environment at my school is celebrating everyone who's graduating this year tonight at a banquet.

And I am not ready.

I will admit I was the MOST detached from the faculty and everyone following my second year. I never really talked with anyone. I just felt like...I don't know. I felt like I have made the least impact on everyone, so why shoul I bother going? Not to mention, I have failed so many classes, I have failed myself, and I went from Honours to non-Honours in just a snap of the fingers.

I lost my place while everyone else soared high above me. The only thing I know I will be is ridiculed.

What is there for me to celebrate? I mean I know I'll never see my friends in ENV again after graduation...which is to say little to none...

I don't know. I don't feel ready to graduate. I don't feel ready to go out into the real world yet.

I literally feel like Sofia the First when she first lived in the castle and proclaimed that she's not ready to be a princess.

And I'm not ready to be a graduate.

What happens after? What will I do? I know I said I'll let life take me places but would I wander too far? What would happen then?

The future is far too wide, and far too mysterious.

I don't even know if I should take the plunge.