Abused

32: again

The morning was dark. Mornings are known for that feeling of hope, that feeling that night was over and you can start over each morning. The time when the birds chirp and the sun beams in... but everything seemed dead. The sky was grey and the sun seemed to have stayed below the horizon. The birds were silent in fear that if they opened their mouths they would be judged. The night used to be Tyler's worst enemy, they would quarrel all night long. Tyler didn't just fear the night anymore. The day was just as guilty as the night, and the sun was just as dark as the moon. Tyler was afraid still, but not just of the night.. but if life. What did life have for him? His mom who killed the love of his life after abusing him and almost killing him his whole life. He didn't want to live anymore, he just wanted to be wherever Josh was. Whether it was somewhere terrible and scary, he didn't care as long as he was with Josh. And it's not like he wasn't used to terrible and scary, he was already in a place like that called life. Tyler felt a sense of dread creep over him and the arms of fear were draped around his chest. Tyler turned his focus from the ceiling to the empty drum set across the lonely room. Untouched sat the drumsticks in the very place Josh last put them. The tour had obviously stopped and the band of twenty one pilots never went any further than their first show on tour. The set of Josh's drums were never to be hit again. Never to be played. A silent instrument collecting dust, the memories with it collecting dust too. Those drums haven't been touched since Josh played them, and even the drumsticks untouched. Tyler lied there letting his tears dampen the pillow as he just stared at the instrument. Josh should be sitting at that drum set. He should be holding those drumsticks and banging the symbols with passion... and most of all he should be laying beside Tyler cuddling in close. The feeling of coldness was in the air, a world without josh? That's when Tyler began to ask himself, what is a world without Tyler? A world without Tyler is is world that continues to turn, a world that continues to carry life, a world that has a sun and oxygen to breath. A world without Tyler is exactly the same. A world without Josh seemed so much more dramatic. Tyler's world didn't turn. It didn't have any colour or life. It didn't have a sun or its light, it had nothing. Tyler's world was where he would always be, and he couldn't live in a world without those things... he couldn't live in a world without Josh. He wanted to love Jenna, but after what happened the only think he could find room for in his heart was Josh. He appreciated Jenna and loved her as a friend... but he want in love with her. They had been together for a while, but the feelings just vanished. The second the bullet penetrated Josh's skull was the second he was no longer in love with Jenna and even more in love with josh. The sad truth is you don't know how much you love someone until they are gone. Tyler saw not purpose in life anymore, Josh was his purpose. That's when it hit him- he can be with Josh again.