Abused

36: Surprise

How long must it be for the pain to stop? It's been nearly a year, and Tyler just kept getting worse and worse every single day. Everyone told him time would heal him, but it damaged him even more. Irrational thoughts came to his mind and he couldn't stand it. What if I forget josh? How can I be sure he was ever real? I'm getting further from him every second that goes by. Why did he leave me? These were things that came to mind daily and it haunted him. His life was such a mess, just a boy who is constantly battling flashbacks from his scary past, watched the man he was so in love with get shot in the head and get covered in his blood, has scars all over his body that weren't even from himself and cried over everything. Tyler had seen a therapist and psychiatrist for these things, he's been diagnosed with depression a couple years ago,and was recently diagnosed with mild schizophrenia from his traumatic past and seeing Josh die. Now what? He's just a nut job, right? 'Your not crazy, your just sick' said Jenna constantly to make Tyler feel better, but it was no use. Tyler felt like a prisoner to his own mind, it isn't like he could ever escape. When he found out he had schizophrenia, he was shocked. The diagnoses was based off of what Tyler had told the doctors, he heard voices in his mind. He always thought they were real people around him, judging him and laughing at him. The scariest part is when your mind develops a voice of its own and bully's you to tears. The worst part? You can escape bully's... but your trapped in your mind, there is no escape. There is one escape: suicide. But, Tyler had given up on trying to die. All he wanted was to see Josh again, but he couldn't do that to Jenna. Tyler was always worried Jenna would leave him, he was always crying or talking to the voices in his head. Tyler was on meds that made the voices quieter, but they wouldn't exactly go away. Face it, your nothing but a crazy schizo. Your worthless, just a lonely boy who's boyfriend is dead. Oh, what's that? He wasn't your boyfriend? Oh.. guess you shouldn't told him sooner you little rat. The voices got worse at night. The sun would set and Tyler would cry, because he knew it was going to get bad. His schizophrenia was minor, so he never saw things. The voices were really only there at night, during the day the only time they'd be there is when Tyler got worried or worked up. Aside from all bad things, some good did come of this. Tyler was inspired by his mental illness and Josh's death to write more songs. He knew that his career wasn't successful anymore since josh was no longer there... the band was dead. Tyler was still known, since he was famous for twenty one pilots. Every day, his phone went off a bazillion times from fans or 'ex' fans of their band posting and commenting about how upset they were about Josh's death. Social media went insane, pictures of Josh were posted everywhere in his memory and lots of Josh stans on fan accounts posted about him every day. The craze went down after about 4 months. Of course Twenty One Pilots fans were still upset and always will be... but Tyler was the only only one who still thought about Josh every day. The clique was dead without Josh, and all the members moved on to a different fandom. Twenty one pilots was dead, and it's like they never even existed. Tyler thought the clique would be there for him always, but they gave up on twenty one pilots. Who was Tyler kidding? Nobody wants to stick with a fan base of a band that doesn't even make music or play and had a dead member. Especially because they were a duo, there was no hope for the clique. Tyler didn't want to be a solo artist and he never wanted to have a band again unless josh was in it... and we all know that can't happen anymore. Tyler received many messages online From past clique members saying how sorry they are for his loss... and the people at the show who witnessed the death of Josh were even more upset. Tyler was sad, but he put on a smile just for his woman, Jenna. During the day, he would pretend he was okay and sometimes he was okay. He felt numb, more like. He was able to plaster on a smile and do everyday things.. but he was never truly happy. He was just kind of there. Meh. He was kind of numb. It was like having walking depression. Him and Jenna would go on dates once a week at least and they loved each other very much. Tyler tried to be happy just for her, and she did everything she could to make Tyler happy. He never truly was, but he was okay. Kind of. He never experienced happiness after Josh's death, until one of the best things he could imagined happened.

"Tyler, baby?"

"Yes Jenna?"

"You know I love you with all my heart, right?"

"I love you more."

"Tyler?"

"Yes baby?"

"I'm pregnant.."