Abused

39: 1/2 death

"Tyler, it's not fair.. why does this have to happen? Why??" Jenna broke down in Tyler's arms. Tyler was crying, too. The couple held each other close, Tyler slightly towered over Jenna's slim frame, trying his best to protect her from her frights and pain with his arms around her torso and his chin rested on the top of her head as she snuggles in close to Tyler's chest. Tyler's shirt was soaked with salty tears of pain and sorrow and Jenna kept crying, along with Tyler. They cried in sink, it was not easy.

"How did this happen? What did I do wrong... it's all my fault." Jenna whimpered into Tyler's chest. His heart broke for this woman, it was extremely hard for Tyler... but this dead child was inside of Jenna. It must have been terrifying. There was room for two, but the other baby had to sit there with its dead sibling in the same womb.

"She had a twin, there would have been two little princesses but now there is only one. I didn't smoke or drink or anything, I did nothing wrong, so why must this happen??" Jenna started raising her voice, and hyperventilating into Tyler's chest. Her body jerked with harsh uncontrollable sniffles that made her short of breath. They were having twins.. but one would be born still born. Stillbirth was hard.. still having to give birth to a child that's heart stopped beating who was limp and cold. They would be blessed with one little girl, but their other little princess would be buried six feet underground... just like Josh. They hadn't even came up with a name for the other little girl yet... what would they put on its grave? What, now they have to name their dead child? It was a twisted thing, but they can't just have and empty gravestone with her non-growing body under it. That concept was strange- Josh was fully grown, so he would have stayed the same forever anyway. Since their child never got a chance to grow, they would never see what she would have turned out to be. The weird part, she had a twin who was still alive. They would have been identical, so looking at their living girl would be like seeing what their stillborn baby would have looked like in the future. A constant reminder that their little baby girl was dead and never to grow and inch. Tyler had the weirdest thoughts, especially when it came to death. Maybe that was his fear, after loosing too many people he loved. First the love of his life, and then his little princess that he would have held in his arms forever. Tyler's heart has been broken so many times that he was almost numb now. He barely felt pain, he was so used to it that he couldn't tell the difference. His mind had taken over, and the night that they found out was not easy. All of the flashbacks happened all at once, it was so chaotic.

The crowd was going wild, and screams broke out through the population. I was rapping the opening for heavydirtysoul and life seemed to be lifted off my shoulder. The crowd was loving me and Josh, and josh just finished doing his signature backflip. He looked so fricken hot. I noticed that some strange screams were happening, and they didn't seem to be the screams of cheering. Josh turned around to see the what was going on because he cared. He cared so much about everyone, such a sweet boy. Before I know it, my ears started ringing. A really really loud bang filled the room, and I was a little confused. I looked down at my white tank top to see blood all over me, and Josh fell backwards to the ground. Someone had shot right through his brain, the blood splattered all over me and he lied there lifelessly in a pool of dark red liquid... I started to cry in front of thousands of my fans, and ran over to the man I love, not caring that I was in my hands and knees in a pool of his blood. I pulled josh close with no response from him, no matter how many times I screamed his name or shook him to wake up. The security ran to help us and someone called the ambulance. The crowd started to scream in fear and bawl their eyes out , and it was too much for me to handle. The crowd, Josh's blood, the security yelling. I just sat there, holding Josh close to my chest and didn't move. I didn't care that the security yelled for me to get off, i wouldn't budge from Josh's side. Finally the ambulance arrived and they pried me off of him so they could load him into the stretcher. There was no rush, the shot killed him instantly.

I sat in my bed, wishing to be taken by sleep. I wish that I could have drowned in sleep... never to return. I believed in fairytales my whole life, and I had hope that one day my Prince Charming would come to rescue me. I was only a 9 year old boy, after all. I would lay in my bed hopelessly and dream away my fears. I layed in my bed every night, waiting for him to enter. It's not like I wanted him to come, but I always knew he would so I just hoped to get it over with. I would cry. Just cry. Just an innocent child i was and I would just cry myself to insanity. Eventually my bedroom door would creek open... most kids were afraid of monsters when their doors cracked open.. but I always wished it was a monster. Even that was better than what was actually awaiting my fate... my father. I wished I could have normal fears like monsters and ghosts... but my fear was my own father. He crawled into my bed. He would just crawl in beside me and lay there for a minute. I wouldn't dare to make a noise, or he'd hurt me real bad.  I waited, and eventually he would move around. He would slowly cover my mouth to stop me from screaming even though I wouldn't dare do that. He would rip my pants off of me, and he would force me to shove my face into the pillow and he'd make me stay in a downwards dog position. The pain was so much, I could feel my insides eroding and I would literally feel myself tearing. God did I want to scream. As loud as I could. But I didn't dare.

The gender of my baby was to be found. It was the most exciting day of a fathers life! I stood by my beautiful girlfriends side and watched as her beautiful smile crept up. She layed on the bed while the doctor proceeded with this ultrasound. The doctored eyes widened, and he smiled. He looked over at Jenna and I and smiled bigger. "Looks like you should be expecting more than one! Twins!" Me and Jenna looked at each other and smiled sobbing. A good sobbing. Now for the gender of these twins. The doctor examined the photos and squinted. He turned to Jenna and I once again and smiled large. "Two little princesses." Me and Jenna cried, little girls!! I was going to be s daddy, and I couldn't wait to meet my little angels for the first time. My little babies, my little princesses. I've always hoped they would be girls, daddy's little girls. I leaned in and kissed Jenna as she shed more tears of joy. I've never felt more joy in my life. As the doctor measured their heartbeats, he turned to Jenna and I once again. That's where this took a turn, and instead of a smile he had a large frown of sorrow across his face. "I... I'm so sorry. Jenna and Tyler, I can only make out one heartbeat.." That was one of the worst things I ever heard. One of my little angels really was an angel now.

Tyler had these flashbacks all night, and the voices from his schizophrenia taunted and teased him. It's all your fault. All of it is. This baby's death is your fault. Josh's death is your fault. Jenna will probably leave you because of this. Tyler curled up in a ball and squinted his eyes shut as hard as he could, and covered his ears trying to drown out the noise. It's impossible to drown out voices that are inside of your head.