Abused

55: Protect

Tyler tossed and he turned. Josh's beautiful self was right beside him yet he felt like his world was tumbling down. How was it he could be so happy one night and so sad the next. It was their honeymoon, and before bed Josh practically pleaded for Tyler... but he wasn't in the mood. Tyler felt terrible, he should be giving Josh what he deserves. Especially on their honeymoon. Josh was fast asleep. Tyler's arms went numb, and he slowly sat up trying not to wake Josh from his peaceful sleep. Tyler wished he was able to sleep. He looked around. What for? No clue. Maybe a sign? Who knew. All he knew was that he was looking around at 2:19 am for god knows what. Tyler slowly reached his muscular arms under the bed and pulled out his back pack, pulling out his wallet. Inside was a picture. A picture of the child who would never grow another inch and never speak another word. The child who was merely rotting away 6 feet under the soil with the worms and the nothingness. The pitch black, all alone.  The way her two front teeth were crooked, and her one bottom tooth was missing. She was such an angel... Tyler would always miss her around the house, playing her little tambourine and singling so off key along to her Hannah Montana CD. A tear slowly made its way out of Tyler's eye and onto the silky white bedsheets below his weight. That's when Tyler's anxiousness kicked in. He began to think about the science behind death and how death was inevitable. That's when Josh jerked harshly in his sleep, only to continue his soft slumber. Tyler's attention turned to Josh, and he realized how much Josh deserved. Tyler felt he didn't have everything Josh deserved, and it drove him up the wall all goddamn night. He cried as silently as he could but it was no use, the sobs came out loud and harsh. He covered his mouth and squinted shut his eyes... nothing helped. He felt the largest urge to scream away the pain... but would he scream into an empty sky? Empty sky... no way, that's him. One half of his heart was free and the other half was asleep... the free half was gone. The one that was asleep felt nothing but pain and guilt.

"Ty? Baby what's wrong?" Josh woke up and noticed Tyler crying.

"Oh... josh I can't do this anymore."

"Baby, do what?"

"Live. Live in pain. Live with guilt-"

"Guilt for what?"

"....nothing.."

"No, Tyler. My bean boy. I love you, tell me anything I will always listen with an open mind."

"It's just... "

Tyler began to break down. His face buried in his hands and his breathed jerked with each unsteady sob.

"Shhhh Ty... its going to be okay. What makes you feel guilt? Baby?"

"I-I just feel l-like I should be d-doing or offering m-more for you... you d-deserve so-o-o much better than what I-I-I give you.."

"Oh, baby. If this is about earlier, I understand Ty. If you don't feel like sex then don't do it. If you don't feel like kisses I won't make you. Ty I understand baby don't-"

"Your my king. A queen should always give his king what he needs, what he wants. You deserved it, and I was too selfish to give it to you." Tyler's voice became stern.

"And a king should always rule fairly. If my queen isn't feeling his perky-fluffy self, then I will make sure he gets what he needs whether it be chicken nuggets at 2:00 in the morning or just some space to think so that you will feel good enough to be yourself again. That's what a king will do for his queen, baby. You are my queen."

Tyler smiled slightly, then sobered back into a frown.

"Still-"

"No still. I love you."

Josh pulled Tyler into his bare chest and cradled him in his arms, protecting Tyler. Shielding him from the world. Keeping him warm. He kissed Tyler's forehead and rocked him back to sleep.

"I'm not ever loosing you again." Josh whispered into the now empty room.