Letting Go Is Easier Said Than Done (An Original Story)

Chapter 85

Chapter 85

The next morning... The funeral...

 I'm at Becky's funeral right now and I'm an absolute fucking mess. I have raccoon eyes, frizzy hair, and acne all over my forehead. Not to mention that I'm super sleep deprived. I'm pretty sure that I didn't sleep at all last night, though I wasn't expecting to. Nightmares constantly plague my sleep these days. I wonder if I'll ever sleep soundly again. I doubt it... my parents to come to the funeral and burial for emotional support, but I wanted to have some time to grieve with just my friend and boyfriend. 

  Speaking of Ted and Derek, they both look like hell themselves, especially Derek. "Well you two look almost as awful as I do." Ted rolls his eyes playfully to lighten the mood while Derek simply sighs. "You never look awful Myra, though you do look sleep deprived. Will you come over late and sleep with me? Not in a sexual way." I nod. "I'd love that because I sure as hell can't sleep alone anymore. Every night these past three weeks I've had a panic attack, nightmares, or both keeping me awake." Ted gives me a look of sympathy and puts a hand on my shoulder. 

  Do you want to know how dark and twisted I am? Well, I'll tell you. I almost called Clark last night despite him calling me a bitch and being so awful to me for so long. My thought process was basically this: Well since he's equally as dark and twisty as I am, if not more so, then he'll understand my loss. What to know something even funnier? I was actually considering being friends with him again like we were before we started dating. What a stupid idea that was! I'm glad I put a stop to it. I know for a fact that if I did become friends with that asshole again, I'd lose Derek for sure. My heart's already half broken. If I lose Derek too, I won't have a heart anymore and that terrifies me. 

At the burial...

 The funeral was a lovely but depressing service. When I say lovely, I mean that Becky was honored in the way that she deserved to be. Now Ted, Derek, her family, and I are watching her body be lowered into the ground. As I watch the casket be lowered, it truly hits me that Becky is gone and never coming back to us. I break in Derek's arms and sob while he holds me and Ted rubs circles on my back to try to sooth me. The gesture is sweet but it doesn't work. 

  After about twenty minutes, I pull myself together and hug her parents and meet with some of her extended relatives before Derek and I part ways with Ted and head to his house to take that much needed nap. Of course I texted my parents for permission to do so. Given my current state, they were more than happy to grant that permission. when we get to his house, we plop down in his bed and surprisingly fall right asleep. If it weren't for Derek's strong arms holding my body, I know that sleep wouldn't be coming to me so easily.