change. (harry styles)

Chapter Forty-Five.

Ella's POV

We pulled in front of the once visited trail, though today it was dark. No torches or candles lit it up anymore. I opened the passenger door and waited for Harry to get out.

The rain had now calmed down, it was barely drizzling and I was fine with it. He came out with a picnic basket, leading us down the trail and to the small cabin as the rain picked up.

I stood awkwardly in the empty room, watching as Harry pulled a blanket out of the basket, laying it across the ground and motioning for me to sit.

He pulled out two wine glasses and sparkling red grape juice, knowing I wouldn't drink any alcohol, especially with the problems going on between us.

He filled the glasses up, handing one to me and I nodded, mentally thanking him.

I leaned my back against the wall, bringing my knees up and he came and sat in front of me, watching for any emotion I held.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled lowly.

"I know."

"Is it okay if we, you know, talk everything through?" He asked and I nodded slowly, watching as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I want to be with you, Ella," the words tumbled from his lips.

"I want to be with you too," I said and his eyes lit up, though I wasn't done, "But I don't know if I can be."

"Please Ella," he grabbed my legs, begging, "I need you."

"It's been a month, Harry. How many times have you brought a girl home to your bed?" I curiously asked, and for once he didn't seem to care I was being nosy.

"None," he said and my eyes went wide, I didn't expect him to say that.

"I haven't because I couldn't. Though we weren't exactly together, I knew you feared I would turn back into the old me. All I could think about was you, and I couldn't touch another female. None of them add up to who you are and what you mean to me." He said and I took a second to process his words.

"Nobody compares to you," he whispered, leaning up to push the loose strands of hair falling onto my face, our faces only inches apart now, his hands resting on my bent knees.

"I love you," he spoke, though it came out deep and raspier than usual.

"I love you so much it hurts, Harry," I was now crying for the fourth time today, and for the first time, I didn't resist when Harry wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumbs.

"I've put you through hell and back and I don't know how you are still here."

Ignoring his statement, I spoke, "You have to promise you won't do it again."

"I couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Harry." I pushed.

"I promise." He agreed, looking at me for any time of resentment.

"Wait." He said. I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, waiting for him to explain.

"I made you feel like you weren't good enough, didn't I?" He reads me like a book, all the time and it bothers me, especially when he uses it against me to manipulate me. But he wasn't now.

He was trying to fix us.

And watching him, looking at me with those eyes, the eyes I hardly get to see, the ones that say "I love you" wholeheartedly, and I hoped my eyes said the same.

"I know that I fucked up, big time, but you should know it had nothing to do with you." He took a deep breath. "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," I shook my head but he grabbed my chin to stop me.

"Ella, you've shown me that I can be worth something. You've taught me to love and to care for something more than myself,"

"I can't live without that smile of yours. I can't live without your hair strayed across my pillow, without your adorably cute giggle. I can't live without the way you look in my T-shirt, your innocence, your perfection. I need you and I love you. You're more than enough for me so don't you ever think you're not good enough, baby," he said the words and I watched for any regret but I saw none. He was opening up to me, something he's only done a small number of times.

"Harry?" I took a deep breath.

"Hmm?"

"I know you lied to me about your job. Who is Jay?" I asked him, watching as he tore his eyes from me, running a hand through his hair, something he always does when he's nervous or angry.

"This was all before I met you, okay?" He said and I nodded, waiting for him to continue, "Jay is not a good person. He's the leader of a gang that I got involved with when I was too high to give a fuck. He offered me a bunch of drugs and shit that could kill you if I would beat the fuck out of some guys that's cheated him out of money." I shook, taking my eyes away from him. I pushed it out of my thoughts and began to breathe heavily. Harry, my Harry, was involved with the wrong people and doing illegal things.

"Ella, don't shut me out, please listen," he begged and I took my breathing down, nodding for him to continue.

"When I met you, I tried to get out. The girl I was falling in love with was way more important than that gang shit. But Jay threatened you and me, so I still have to be a part of it. And I fucking hate it, I don't touch the shit he gives me."

Without thinking, I blurted, "You don't deserve any of this."

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows, "I'm fucked up. I deserve everything that comes to me."

"You don't," I said, "You've went through so much already, with your dad, and your sister. You deserve to be loved." I promised him but he didn't believe me.

"You're the one that deserves to be loved. Any guy would be lucky to have you," I snorted at that, "And you chose me. You chose the most fucked up person over Jake and every other guy that goggles at you. I'm in love with you, Aubriella, and I'm too selfish to let you find someone better."

"I don't want someone 'better'," I mumbled, putting air quotes around the word 'better', "I only want you."

"That song was beautiful," I told him truthfully and he shrugged.

"Did you write it?" He nodded.

"I've never let anyone come near my music before. You're the first to know," he admitted and I didn't resist when he pulled me into his lap, my back leaning against his chest.

"I love you," he rasped in my ear, kissing my hair.

"I love you too." Was all I could say before he turned me around and kissed me. When he pulled away, his forehead resting on mine, he smiled.

"I want you to be mine again," he mumbled, his eyes studying me to see any reaction, hope glistening through them.

"I can't do this unless you are-"

"I'll do anything, please. I love you so much."

I sighed, taking in his words before nodding unconsciously. He smiled before grabbing my face and kissing me with all he had, letting me know without his words that he actually did love me.

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