change. (harry styles)

Chapter Fifty-Seven.

Chapter 57.

Ella's POV.

I expected too much.

I woke up to an empty bed, the thin sheet being the only thing covering my bare body, as the comforter had been lost through the night.

The clothes of Harry's that had been sprawled into the floor from last night were now gone, leaving only mine alone.

Where was he?

I prayed that he was doing the cliché boyfriend thing and was downstairs making breakfast, but I knew deep down that's not what was happening today.

But as I looked over to the bedside table on my side, an old, worn brown leather journal lay on it.

I sat up, making sure to hold the sheet up to cover me as I traced my fingers over the top of the book, wanting to open it but knowing I didn't want to snoop.

But why was it left right in front of me?

I sighed, before getting out of the bed, going to the closet with the sheet still tightly wrapped around me.

As I opened the door, I furrowed my eyebrows as I saw Harry's boots and converse gone from the bottom of the closet, along with some shirts that I knew were there yesterday.

I sighed before taking out a flannel that was still here of Harry's, pulling it out and throwing it on the bed.

I went to his drawers just to check and see if anything else was gone, and all three pairs of his jeans had been taken from the drawer.

What?

I tried not to think much about it as I slipped my undergarments on, putting Harry's shirt over me and then grabbing the journal and going to the now clean living room and laying it on the coffee table.

As I started to make tea, I let it heat up while I searched the house for any sight of Harry but there was none.

But when I looked out the window, his car was parked in the driveway.

I didn't know what was happening, but instead of stressing about it I picked up my phone, dialing his number that I had memorized and pressing the call button.

It rang once before it beeped and an automatic voice started to play: "We're sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected or has blocked this person calling. Thank you." It said before it hung up, causing me to take my phone from my ear and stare at it, before it fell out of my hands and I didn't bother picking it up, making my way to the living room with a hot cup of tea.

Where was he? Was he okay?

I sat on the couch, laying the mug on the table and picking up the leather book, rubbing the strong around it through my fingers.

This was the only thing that could possibly give me some kind of answer, the only thing that could tell me what was going on.

I gently undid the leather strap holding it together, laying it on the coffee table and opening to the first page. A folded up piece of paper lay under the cover, and I picked it up, hesitantly opening it to reveal Harry's handwriting, my name written at the top.

Ella,

        Stop panicking. Stop worrying. I'm okay. I know you're confused, I know you're probably planning to keep looking for me all day, but don't. You can't find me. And you won't be able to. This long-ass letter is for you, and only you.
        I shouldn't have ever gotten involved with you. I shouldn't have kissed you that first time when I came to your house drunk, I shouldn't have loved you. But I did. And I'm so sorry for that. It's my fault you're crying as you read this, it's my fault every time you cry, it's all my fucking fault. You loved me, and all I ever did was break your heart.
        I know you don't see it, but you are the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out. Those eyes, those eyes that look at me like no one else has, that look at me and instantly I'm captivated. And that smile, oh my god that smile, can bright up the darkest room and can instantly change my mood. You are flawless. Everything about you is perfect, even what you think is the imperfect.
        I don't want you to ever think that I never loved you. I loved you so much, Ella, more than I've ever loved anyone, and I always will. You will always be the one that I will ever truly love, the one that showed me I can actually love and have a heart. You've shown me what it's like to need someone, but to want them at the same time.
        I know you're also thinking I just fucked you and left. But that's not it at all. We did something I've never done before; we made love. Everything from that night was an act of love, everything from last night was to show you how much I'd always love you.
        But it's time for you to move on, baby. I'm not worthy of you, and I'm not coming back.
        I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I love you so much.
        Read everything in this journal, don't skip a page, a line, or even a word. This is all for you, every word was about you.
        -H xx