change. (harry styles)

Chapter Sixty-Seven.

i listened to my everything - ariana grande while writing this & idk it fits to the entire book bye 

this chapter is rlly short bc of the ending 

Chapter 67.

Ella's POV

We pulled up to the school in the range rover, since Louis' mom was out and I was in a short dress and it was cold, so we didn't want to take the motorcycle, and the car was the last choice. I assured Louis it was okay that he drove it, but he was still hesitant. 

As he ran to my side of the car, opening the door for me as I was putting my coat back on, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers. It was already starting to drizzle, so we tried to hurry inside so my hair wouldn't frizz, but I honestly didn't even care that much. We walked into the gym hand in hand, hearing the loud music before we even walked in. Louis opened the door for me and a few other couples behind us, before grabbing my hand again and leading us all the way inside, a crowd already here, dancing to the upbeat music as all the lights flashed around us. 

Me and Louis sat at a table and he went to get us something to drink, while I watched the happy couples grind into eachother to the fast music. Inappropriate? Maybe, but the fact of it was that they didn't care about what everyone else thought of eachother. It was just them, letting eachother have fun and enjoy themselves while loving eachother and not paying attention to the judgemental eyes around them.

Louis came back and took a seat in the metal chair beside me, setting two plastic cups in front of us. He took his and drank out of it, putting it down and chuckling. 

"It's spiked, just so you know." 

I took this as good news, taking the plastic sip and chugging the entirety of its contents. I needed to numb the pain again, because all I could see was him in the crowd. I imagined him sitting here beside me instead of Louis, taking small sips of his drink as he silently judged the girls trying to find a guy for the night, and the guys who were doing the same. I also imagined just him. Him being here, with me, holding me in his arms as we watched the stream of teenagers like us have the time of their lives. I imagined-

I furrowed my eyebrows as Louis finished his drink and left, before returning with two more full cups that he downed in only seconds.

I had never seen Louis drunk, but I imagined I was about to.

He kept going back and forth, chugging down the contents before I could see that he had enough. We hadn't been here but maybe an hour and he was wasted.

"Would you like to dance, love?" Louis slurred from behind me, as a slow song came started playing through the speakers. I let out a breath, I had only come here for Louis, so I nodded, taking his hand as he led me to the dance floor. His arms went around my waist, and my arms hung around his neck as we swayed to the music, his eyes staying on mine as we moved to the slow ballad of the music. 

He smirked as I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I had planned to get as drunk as I could, just so I could forget for the night, but after I realized Louis was deciding to let himself go, I knew I needed to stay sober to be able to take care of him tonight. 

"I love you," Louis slurred, his body weight leaned onto me, as we continued dancing. His hands moved down to my bum, and I grabbed his wrists, pulling them back up to my waist just for them to be put back there again.

"Louis," I warned as he began to lean into me, his nose grazing mine, "Stop."

"No, Ella." 

His lips forcefully pushed onto mine and I put my hands to his chest to push him off, though he was too strong for me. 

I was finally seeing it now. How broken Louis actually was inside. He was just a boy, a boy I was pushing away by the minute. He had fallen in love with the wrong girl, the girl who couldn't forget about a boy she hadn't seen in nearly 3 months, one who left her bare in his bed without a goodbye. I had been hurting him this entire time, slowly making him crumble as he stood strong by my side. He was hurting for me, because of me, and I didn't even know it. 

Tears started flowing down my cheeks at the realization, and I pushed Louis off of me, racing down the hallways and going outside, the rain now in a full out downpour, but I didn't care. I let myself get soaked, dropping down against the wall, bringing my knees to my chest as I looked up, letting the rain fall down on me. I didn't understand. Even when I had gotten trashed the first time with Louis, making him get drunk with me, even though my memory was fuzzy, I knew he didn't act like this. 

I giggled as we entered someone from school's house, gaping at everyone in there. I had already drank every ounce of alcohol in that god forsaken house, but I needed more. It wasn't enough to numb the pain and I didn't like the idea of pain right now. The only person I had ever fallen completely in love with had left me, why would I wanna deal with that?

I pulled Louis into the door, automatically being handed a red plastic cup, before Louis took it from me and shook his head, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Don't take a drink from anyone but me." He warned, but a friendly smile still hung on his face. I nodded, taking a different cup from Louis and drinking the whole thing down, feekling my head spinning more and more by the minute but I was forgetting to care.

I made Louis take as many drinks as me, and he obliged, knowing it would make me happy. 

I had now been dancing for over an hour, sweat dripping from my forehead but I was still giggling, having a fun time and forgetting why I was upset in the first place. I had forgotten every emotion I was feeling before this, and now I felt nothing but giggles and freedom. 

I looked to Louis to see he was already looking at me, and I took in every ounce of his face, feeling the urge to kiss him. So that's what I did. 

I don't remember much of what happened after that, but I do know that I woke up the next morning in Louis' clothes, in Louis' room, and apparently I had tried to seduce him but he wouldn't take advantage of me, even in his drunkeness. 

I realized then what I had done to Louis Tomlinson. More tears flowed down my wet cheeks, the sobs escaping my mouth violently as I thought of how cruel I was. I led him on. I let him love me, I let him kiss me and be my escape without thinking of how it would affect him. I had let those beautiful blue eyes look at me with pure compassion, pure love, while I took advantage of it even though I loved someone else. That someone else was a curly haired boy that left me, taking my heart with him. 

God, I missed him so much.

I hated this feeling. And it was worse when I already had remorse, regret, already filling my emotions. I hated this. My life was so confusing and abnormal that I just didn't know what to do anymore. 

I leaned my head against the wall of the building, letting the rain fall on my makeup, my dress, everything. I needed to go back inside to check on Louis, but right now I just couldn't face him. I was ashamed of what I had done. 

I didn't move until a voice came from behind me, sending a feeling through my body as I instantly recognized the raspy, deep voice, but I didn't dare turn to look at him. No. He wasn't there, it wasn't him. I must be dreaming. 

"Hello, beautiful."

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cliffhanger whoops