The Eyeless Pandora

Ad Meliora (part 2)

I could feel my parents' eyes piercing me. But the deed is done and the words have been spoken.

"Kenapa kamu bisa bilang begitu?" tanya Papa. Gue menghela napas dan menceritakan segalanya. Soal obrolan gue dan Bu Kintan.

Serta bagaimana gue kemungkinan nggak bisa menyandang gelar sarjana semester depan.

"...that's what she said, Ma, Pa," gue nggak sanggup menatap mata Mama dan Papa ketika cerita gue selesai.

"Tapi itu belum final kan?" tanya Papa. Gue menggeleng. "Garin bisa usahain kok kalo memang Mama dan Papa mengharuskan Garin lulus semester depan," jawab gue.

"Gimana caranya?"

"Mungkin Garin akan coba cek ada semester pendek atau nggak buat mata kuliah yang harus Garin ulang. Atau Garin akan cicil bab I Garin sambil susun proposal," jawab gue.

Kalo perlu, gue bisa minta tolong temen-temen jurusan gue untuk bantu proofread skripsi gue. Anything.

"Don't you think it will burden you too much?" tanya Mama. "Garin kan juga masih ada kuliah yang lain, masih nge-band..."

"But I have to do do this, Ma. I have to," gue tidak bisa menahan diri.

"Rin, kalau situasinya begini, Papa sama Mama maklum. Unless you flunked your classes because you're too lazy or too inadequate, then we have a problem," kata Papa.

"I know you've tried. And I don't want you to be so hard on yourself," ujarnya. "Try your best, but you don't need to feel like you disappoint anyone," Papa melanjutkan.

Gue menggeleng. "Pa, ini bukan cuma soal Garin mau lulus," kata gue akhirnya.

"Lalu apa?" Papa bertanya kalem.

Gue menghela napas.

"Look, Ma, Pa, all my friends from high school are graduating soon, some of them will continue their studies, they have plans... while I'm... here," tutur gue.

"Even Kak Nay yang tinggal di LA sendirian bisa selesaiin kuliahnya tanpa molor. I have to be like them," gue melanjutkan. "I have to make you both proud."

"Make us proud?" Mama mengulangi. Gue mengangguk.

I wasn't kidding when I said that. I wanted to show my parents that I was responsible enough of my life.

That I made the right decision to stay here instead of going back to States.

And I wanted to show my parents that I can make them and my sister proud. I had a lot of weaknesses, but if there's something I always want to achieve, it's that.

"But, darling, you have made us proud," kata Mama. Gue kembali menggeleng. "No, no, Ma, you don't understand..."

"Garin," kata Papa, lalu memajukan tubuhnya dari sofa. Kalau Papa sudah menunjukkan bahasa tubuh seperti itu, artinya satu: stuff about to get real.

"Kamu tau kan kalau situasi kamu dan teman-teman kamu beda? Even situasi kamu dan Kak Nay juga beda," kata Papa.

"Ketika kamu diterima di uni, kamu keluar dari zona nyaman kamu. Different world, different people... different language," lanjutnya.

"You have adapted well, but that doesn't mean you should apply other people's rules to your life. Your pace are different from your sister or your friends," gue menelan ludah mendengar ucapan Papa.

"Papa sama Mama ngerti intention kamu. But you should never be burdened by it. Your mother and I expect you to do well, not to be frustrated."